Archive | April 2021

Exit Methodologies

The Brightest Way

A black man wouldn’t hang himself. That would be like
Jewish ones suicidal wanting to be gassed.
Some will hack at their wrists. Others go by the gun.
When it comes right down to it, to get the job done
So that one doesn’t fuck up, it has to be fast…
Like electrons – not slow as in taking a hike.

My perception of self and all that I perceive…
Indeed everything I know or thought that I did
Dissipates into nothingness. I know but pain.
Logic dictates remaining would be inhumane
To the rest of hell’s residents. Heaven forbid
That I go while unnoticed as I alone grieve.

Some use cigarette burn marks to fuck with their skin.
I mean that in a kind way. I would do the same.
But I’ve fucked with this website for too many years.
It’s not quite as effective. I’ve shed enough tears
Speaking out but not one God Damned person I claim
As a point of connection, much to my chagrin.

A poet I’ll still call myself even as I
In one last burst defiant to stark nothingness
That this world thing and all I know is and always
Has been and will be. How dare that I covet praise!
I’m a drop in a strange bucket and nothing less
Than a weary old nigger just wanting to die.

On Beating The Blues

Endless Cycles Of Gloom

An old man on a job search is death wish engaged
At full throttle straight into the darkness of hell.
Able bodied I am with an excellent mind
But this world doesn’t see that. In essence, it’s blind
To what I have to offer. I’m just a hard sell
To the age of the phone app. Indeed I’m outraged.

But who gives a bat’s dropping among hell’s elite?
Having spent the last few weeks as a prostitute
On the road and in offices for interviews
That upset and degrade me, I’ll not self-abuse
As I sense that’s the intent because they can’t shoot
Me for sport or for pleasure. Still I’m in defeat.

Sent way out to the boondocks through Amazon Flex
With a carload of packages on gravel roads
With no God Damned thing guiding me but a phone app
Then the fucking phone dies. The whole day’s turned to crap
I bent over and puckered for copious loads
Of the dark seed of Satan in virtual sex.

I’d take this as a joke played on me with a smile
And forget like a bad dream what’s happened to me
If I were a lot younger – not old and depressed.
Vows I’ve made to my doctors were not made in jest
But when push comes to shove one would have to agree
That to ask for a breastfeeding isn’t my style.

I cannot be employed, yet Magic I create.
I have many fine talents and education
That I’m still paying off after decades by now.
This life hates my damned guts. This fact I can allow
To solidify suicidal decision.
But for now, I’ve decided to nourish my hate.

Seven Ages Of Consciousness

Seven Stages of Humanity's Growth

Seven cycles of twelve years – a normal lifespan
Corresponding to Jupiter’s solar orbit –
Are the Ages of Consciousness of humankind.
The gas giant’s influence on how we’re designed
Has to do with expansion of human spirit
Through each phase of development. Whose is this plan?

Not that it matters muchly that living takes place
Within provident cycles. The world is a stage.
The first act played upon it is of innocence
And conforming to standards. From this stage is whence
We advance to the ego. With fear we engage
The illusion of crisis in love or disgrace.

Powerful is the next act. Material gain
Through obtaining of assets the young lover sees
As righteously courageous for the family.
One consumes the adventure most voraciously
With community service and actions that please
Everyone in one’s circle through sunshine and rain.

Amplified in our giving, the soldier instinct
Comes acute with the passion of security.
Ego has become socialized and made a tool
For the next stage of judgement and sharp ridicule
Of the system’s mis-workings. The need to be free
Of the full-bodied duty will soon be distinct.

Wisdom is that of old age. The heart of the sage
In weak health with thin body and loose fitting clothes
Has become again childlike, recalling the days
When one had much more relevance and garnered praise.
Helplessly, losing all touch, the consciousness goes
Long before the remainder is swept off the stage.

What Really Matters

The Search For Life's Truest Meaning

Seductive and hypnotic is movement of thought
Through the bowels of the gray matter. Deeply ingrained,
My subconscious assumption that this moment now
Is of lesser importance than the next somehow,
Causes me much frustration, in that I’m constrained
To what is nonexistent. In this web I’m caught.

So I hear people speak of This Moment so much.
It is vital I get what the hell these folk mean.
It ain’t all that damned obvious to the novice
How to find in This Moment some measure of bliss.
It don’t take much pretending before I come clean
With my truest of feelings responsive to touch.

What’s important is already here, I must know,
And not in the next moment which does not exist.
Ever presence is consciousness’ only act.
In the place of no substance nor form, the abstract
Shining essence of my true self cannot be missed.
In all that I’ve become, I’ve the need to let go.

Realizing this truth takes some practice for sure.
Everybody inherits the pattern of mind
That lives outside of right now. So practice it takes.
It requires little effort or psychic headaches
To achieve awareness of the transcendent kind.
What matters in This Moment will ever endure.

When I Have Fear

The Illusion Transcendent

I have fear unbecoming a creature of God
That I still may have many years left to endure
Bloody hell on this wretched earth. My humanness
Is a curse – not a blessing. I know not success
To be worth my pursuing it. Quite insecure
Is the thin thread I dangle from. This life is flawed.

When I fear that my thinking will go on this way
To the point of considering ways to check out…
And when some reassurance that I here belong
Having made life a failure by being so wrong
In relating to rightness does not come about
It’s doubtful I’ll be here by the end of the day.

When my guts choke what feeds them perpetually
And their out of phase rhythm defies natures role…
When complaining to doctors leads to the dead end –
Absolute like a brick wall, deeper I descend
To that dark, choking space. I’m not one to console.
If God would deem it worthy, I would cease to be.

Thought becomes intervention. The things that I’ve tried
And failed at most horrendously are stepping stones.
“You just need to hang in there…” That’s so God Damned trite,
But this prison has strange rules that I cannot fight.
These insults are acceptable to my weak bones.
With my life’s final chapter I am satisfied.

The Meaning Of Life

Fundamental Purpose

If one has but a ‘why’ one can bear any ‘how.’
As suggested by Nietzsche, life is very hard.
Does this mean I am tested in all that I do?
Certainly! There is darkness I must look into
For the purpose of healing whatever is scarred
By neglect of my visiting outside of now.

In the darkest of places, if I can still find
A faint glimmer of something, I’ll know it’s real light.
Life’s malevolence is ineradicable.
The intent and extent is unfathomable.
I need Sustaining Meaning to keep me alright.
If well-armed with some virtue, then I am aligned.

A life instinct is meaning. I need a reason
To get out of bed even on terrible days.
Nobleness in one’s purpose is not optional.
If one has not, then one is most vulnerable
To the clutches of evil and all of its ways.
Clutching on to some purpose, true life is begun.

I’ll get out and do something. It may turn out wrong,
But at least I’ll have learned then correct my mistakes.
My remaining in stasis leads to getting old
And decrepit from laziness. Purpose is gold.
Life is hopelessly woven in fear and heartbreaks.
Pointed in some direction, I am somewhat strong.

Choice

The Right Of Free Will

I don’t know where my hiccup decisions come from.
They’re like guttural spasms. The choking of air
Is the constant anxiety. Thinking things through
Only adds more confusion. Whatever I do,
Worrying about worrying while in despair
Is a blend of psychosis that renders me numb.

In my mind there’s a feedback loop endlessly closed.
Thoughts that speed as if race cars are always the same.
Did I take enough time to consider every
Possible thing I should have and confidently?
In a dither of doubt no relief can I claim.
Choices are not decisions. My truth is exposed.

There are infinite data – too much to take in
For any given situation that occurs.
Deciding on an issue by using the mind
May result in catastrophe for my behind.
Doing just as I please is what this self prefers.
Can there be a solution that won’t mete my sin?

Mystical states of consciousness can be achieved
Where there is a natural lightness of feeling
Difficulty is effortless. Life is a breeze.
I’m not at that place yet, but I feel more at ease.
I’m a cloud not misshapen… a God awful thing
That is badly designed. In that, I am relieved.

The awareness state I’m conditioned to resist.
The repugnant sensation of discord creates
Sensory basis for the ego to appear
To convince me that no state is better than fear.
We are not helpless creatures consumed by our fates.
Intuition is something that can’t be dismissed.

The Real Me

At The Brink Of Awakening

The performance of someone who seems to be me
Is audaciously tricky that it would attempt
To tempt me with the promise of full possession
Of what I have already, yet it has but none
Of the pure essence of me. The ego unkempt
On a world of stage acting has such need to be.

Its craving for acceptance renders it unseen.
If it lets down its armor this may not be true.
Ancient is the fine art that the ego knows well.
Its sole purpose for existing is to compel
Itself and perceived others to perform on cue.
If they don’t then the actor can be rather mean.

What it manifests matters but not a whole lot.
It may take reaching great heights to then realize
That it finds no contentment. So does it matter
That all hopes, dreams, and wishes surely must occur?
Both viewers and projectors are what are the eyes
Running a second story with another plot.

The Great Powerful Wizard Of Oz needs a rest,
As its body and mind grow weary of the act
That it thinks it must maintain to make a big name
Of itself on some world stage. It is not the same
As the one who is nameless. Staying in contact
With that one ensures me that my acting is blessed.

Just Attend To Your Breathing

The Life Affirming Function

A delightful companion is always a plus
In the fine art of ‘breath watching,’ as it is called.
It’s a mechanism of the body, we know.
When we pay more attention to it, we will grow
Both in health and in spirit. We can be enthralled
By this motion magnificent for life and thus.

It is the most practiced form of meditation.
It’s so basic and simple while easy to do
Since we do it most constantly yet not aware
Of this God given process. We give much more care
To our outward appearance, but any guru
Would advise more attention to breathing be done.

A sharpness or a keenness begins to ensue
As perfect becomes practice within a time short.
It’s a process amazing most naturally.
One can only get more conscious and completely
Needless of preparation or others’ support.
An increase in awareness will surely accrue.

The perpetual play of my breath, as I see,
The maker of my body holds with a kind hand.
The taker of my being, the same creator
Whose hand I firmly hold until there is no more,
Has no wish to escape. My most vital demand
Is ongoing fulfillment of wanting to be.

Be Prepared For The Blessing

Always Ready For Goodness

When in need of a blessing it is absolute.
While in tough situations where I see no way
To resolve them my desperation hinders me.
The divine never intended myself to be
So confused and unable to dash the dismay
That the soul in its darkness just cannot transmute.

To prepare for what’s coming, empty I must be
Of myself so that divinity can then fill
Me with itself completely. I’ll get in the way
Of the things that I want. If I could only stay
In a state of receiving not by force of will
Then all things that I’ve wanted are waiting for me.

I must bow in obedience to the divine
Who knows much more than I do with a larger view
Of the image I can’t see quite clearly enough.
What is gigantic for me is pretty small stuff
To one who caused the big bang and nothingness too.
Faith is the firm believing that everything’s fine.

I must learn to be patient while doing my part
Which is maintaining focus and staying aligned
To the guidance I’m given intuitively.
Loaves of bread and fish can multiply easily
With a faith more fantastic and blessing inclined.
Faith is not such a mystery. It’s of the heart.

Accessories To Life

The Information Divide

By the time she’s fifteen all that she will have seen
Is a hundredfold more than what I at that age
Could have ever imagined. She knows everything.
The devices she uses skillfully will bring
Anything that is dreamed of right to center stage
With detailed information upon a touchscreen.

The Big Bang of Technology when it occurred
Made it so the whole world is fully connected
And able to communicate information
Faster than an eyeblink. Our minds are overrun
With crap loads of minutia. We’re constantly fed
By the marvel’s malevolence which is deferred.

I need not blow the whistle. I am an old fart
And the sound would be putrid by nose or by ear.
But I knew not of boredom when I was a child.
Everything did excite me. My spirit was wild.
Children find it difficult to hold something dear
When contact through a smartphone replaces the heart.

Most unprecedented is the current onslaught
Upon this generation, as never before
Have kids lived half their lives through the shortening years.
When all sense of true meaning in life disappears
It may get to the point where one can take no more.
It is urgent to counter such unhealthy thought.

There is something to live for. It’s not family,
My career, thoughts, nor feelings. The drama of these
Are abstracted creations played out in the mind.
To be touched by life is to be blessed by the kind
Gentle knowing within self. The accessories
Of my life consists of all else, as it should be.

Perceiving Without Labels

Appropriate Futility of Scrutiny

It’s so hard not to use labels with or without
Specific information about what’s inside.
Human egos have them, and they place them upon
Anything possible. We depend so much on
Our conceptual symbols. No way are they tied
To the essences naming them. Be there no doubt!

We can sense life in two ways. Personality
Is a relative tool of survival we use
To communicate everything stored in the mind.
But the other way is of a different kind.
There’s the space of light consciousness which, if we choose,
Can get us to perceiving things quite label free.

The practice of perception is done anywhere.
Most ideal is the environment of nature.
There, one can just observe things simply as they are.
Dropping into this beingness is as bizarre
As the person who senses it’s calming allure.
Getting in touch with one’s true self shouldn’t be rare.

Consciousness on two levels – the transcendent one
And the self with its biases – both we engage.
What plays out in the foreground is of the ego.
In the background, the true self can lovingly show
Its full brightness. The false self may then come of age
Through the coolest relationship ever begun.

Like a lampshade, the person I am gives the light
From my spirit eternal its formative hues.
The conditioned self is dense and heavy a load.
Knowing of my true light source I’m well on the road
To then loving my neighbor as my true self who’s
The same essence eternal which is just as bright.

The Healers

Caretakers Of Humanity

Recognizing The Healers among us for me
Is an easy thing simply because I am one.
Most descriptions of INFP’s, as we’re called,
Say that all that can keep us forever enthralled
Are the things of the spirit. Indeed we have fun
While exploring the human soul… usually.

Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, (one more)
And Perceiving – these four words are the acronym
For we INFP types. Does this make me proud?
Quite in spite of my ego, to life I’m avowed.
Darkness like the horrendous scourge of racism
Is but fuel for enlightenment. It’s not a bore.

We love speaking in parables and metaphors.
Inventing fresh new symbols to share our ideals,
We are at our creative best. Keen rhetoric
Fascinates us to no end, and our minds are quick.
The slow speed of mere lightning is not that which heals.
Infinite is the frequency spirit endures.

We become overwhelmed often, and we do err
Because we are as human as all humankind.
Altruistic are we, and we’re misunderstood.
One’s perfected morality is for the good
Of the soul of the planet. The task we’re assigned
Is to process experiences and to share.

Invictus

The Invincible One

The dark night of the soul of all humanity
Blankets me in a blackness, the darkest I’ve known
Since the virus of racism caught humankind
In the hell made a battlefield of the sick mind.
Nonetheless I am thankful that I’m not alone.
By divinity power is given to me.

I remember past challenges. I was constrained
Yet I showed no discomfort nor did I complain.
Beaten brutally by unyielding circumstance,
I am given much more than a black snowball’s chance
To rise up like the phoenix with heaven to gain.
Looking on toward the future, my pride is maintained.

Though the challenge seem futile as death changes ways
It can have its way with us, sincere is my hope
That the same God who strengthens me will help me do
Everything in our powers to rightly subdue
The dark shadow that threatens all. On the tightrope
In a serious circus, I want for no praise.

Matters not does it how dark night gets before dawn.
Fully am I prepared, for robust is my will
Through incurred purgatories. I am the master
Of my fate and the captain (as I’d most prefer
It be always) of my soul and its expert skill.
United we combat illness until it’s gone.

Wisdom Of Youth

All The Young Sages...

We adults think we know everything to be known
And that only from us should our children be taught.
We take not this approach with our vegetables.
They don’t need any training. Nature enables
Youthful living creatures to receive what is sought.
We can learn things from children if not ego prone.

Wisdom doesn’t come from us and then trickle down
To the newest arrivals. It’s drawn from below.
As it makes its way upward through society,
What is no longer working can be completely
Overhauled or discarded. The seed we do sow
Knows of its royal essence while reaching the crown.

Our young collect pebbles, colored shiny objects,
And all sorts of things trivial to you and me.
But they are the most precious things to a young one.
They know not how to play our game. It isn’t fun
Because it’s one of power which they don’t yet see
As worthwhile and of value in certain aspects.

And we must educate them and teach them values
So that they learn the real game to play it to win.
But the game, when it’s mastered, brings on but the truth
That they had while of innocence back in their youth.
Feeling no satisfaction they suffer chagrin
Having fallen for learning the best ways to lose.

Older folk have their purpose. It’s to become wise
In the ways of experience. We learn to teach.
There’s no way to the kingdom of heaven unless
We become like children. If we can acquiesce
To the wisdom of freshness in time, we may reach
A sublime evolution as brilliant youth rise.

Orwell On The Thaw

Catching Up To 1984

Shortly prior to death, his stark warnings of things,
That may come without notice like drying wet paint,
Were recorded by interview decades ago.
His insight was uncanny. Keenly did he know
Human nature, although he wrote with some constraint
Due to TB and the horror that sickness brings.

There will be few emotions… Most certainly fear,
Rage, and triumph over someone who is helpless.
The erotic instinct, once eradicated,
Will abolish the orgasm. People instead
Will be sequenced by gene splicing. Should one express
Any aberrant feelings, one may disappear.

Power intoxication will always exist.
Victory is the thrill felt in mortal combat.
To consider the future imagine a boot
Forever on a human face. Selfish pursuit
Will forever be the most effective format
For approaching life. Needs of others are dismissed.

Loyalty to The Party will be absolute.
Anyone thinking differently will be known
Through mind probing intelligence. The moral here
Is stark ravingly simple and perfectly clear.
This does not have to happen. By free will we own
The decision to change. It’s our sole attribute.

Thoughts On Death

The Adjustment Through Mourning

Wondering what it would be like to go to sleep
And to never wake up is the fog of mourning.
The next logical question, were it to be asked
Through gut wrenching emotion for one who has passed,
Is: “What was it like waking up after having
Never been asleep?”
(If you don’t know… This Is Deep!)

Thoughts of death bring on panic – an instinct normal
For surviving, as creatures of nature we are.
Disappearance from earth is simply seasonal.
Every current of life leads to one waterfall.
One cannot fight the current. The stream is by far
Too much for the mere ego who must feel but small.

Happiness and security doesn’t consist
Of the clinging onto things… especially change.
Senses become awakened with this much insight.
A discernible difference ever so slight
Between this world and heaven can be not so strange.
It’s been known that the two worlds indeed coexist.

We all know very well that after people die
Other people are born, and we all are the same.
We can only experience one at a time
Each and everyone of us. Is this not sublime?
When death comes to us we are still part of the game.
Letting oneself accept it is the best goodbye.

Death Of The Party

Perverse Entertainment

Human drama unfolds as expected these days.
One need not own a TV to sense what is news.
Any person of color can feel the outrage
Of the animal instinct. Upon the world stage
The racist body politic echoes its views
Of righteous indignation and will to abrase.

A sedate subtle simmering has not its peak.
A political time bomb is due to go off
Yet it can’t be determined when it will explode.
I prepare my strange heart for the next episode.
Deep dark damaging hatred is noting to scoff.
Sanity within safety is all that I seek.

My last visit to my bank was just such a test.
The Caucasian bank teller did ask me if I
Added all of the numbers up all on my own
But I chose to ignore her despicable tone
Lest a knee to the neck be my fate if I try
To respond as appropriate. How is this best?

I live not in a nation where I can feel safe
Let alone feel some ownership of my homeland.
Even though proper people now have taken charge
Civil war is a chronic event by and large.
The nature of the hatred I can’t understand.
All I know is I’m feeling much more like a waif.

Focusing Is About Saying No

Attention Must Be Undivided

Getting work done takes focus. To be clutter free
Is to glide with efficiency throughout the day.
If one manages oneself as one does others,
Then one’s personal style is what the team incurs.
If pathetic the person is, what’s the best way
To correct the imbalance and most tactfully?

Some bosses seeming ruthless are just putting on.
They have love for their companies and employees.
But they must remain focused in the direction
That the company’s headed. So it must be run
With the least deviation. It is not to please
Other talented egos. This view is foregone.

Off in many directions most people will go
Doing things of great interest arguably.
But the total is less than the sum of the parts.
Wasted human resources leads to broken hearts
And the death of the business. The wise one will see
The dismissive behavior as part of the show.

Practical must the mind be as energy flows
In all proper directions according to plan.
People go off in tangents, and this is ok.
Creative is the driving force in how we play.
But to keep things in focus as best as one can
One must say no to nonsense the job may impose.

We Are The Universe

The Only Frontier

What’s a fact most astounding that someone could share
About all of existence – the whole universe?
Some may find it of interest and take to heart
What the mind of a master would wish to impart.
But most would die of boredom, brain burnout, or worse.
I’m just passing this on simply because I care.

I’ll drop Neil De Grasse Tyson’s name time and again.
He’s one soul I look up to. The way he explains
And answers loaded questions on topics profound
Is the reason he’s become by now world renowned.
Understanding him doesn’t require super brains.
Clearly he is a giant among mortal men.

His answer to the question goes something like this:
The most astounding fact is the knowledge that we
And all life on earth are made of the building blocks
Of the guts ancient stars spewed. It’s no paradox
That the traceable crucible of you and me
Is a cosmic connection no one can dismiss.

Fundamental ingredients do the stars make
Under infinite pressures and temperatures high.
They collapse and explode to new generations
Of life possible planets. Indeed we’re the ones
Who participate actively. Through the night sky
We are what we observe. Nature makes no mistake.