There’s no logical reason for me to have turned
Out this way. My upbringing was loving and kind
Yet I have an addiction. I have to admit
To myself that I have no intention to quit
Because in it there’s some semblance of peace of mind.
About life and my living it I’m unconcerned.
What’s the reason I do it? To cover the pain
Of my feeling inadequate to be around
Other people. I feel that I’m not capable
Of loving. I perceive that I’m unlovable.
There are no redeeming qualities to be found
In this sorry self. My whole life I’ve lived in vain.
Well, that’s it in a nutshell. I could say that I
Lost my job or a loved one but deep down inside
I feel ugly and socially not up to par.
I am powerless over conditions that are
Of myself too revealing. I have much to hide.
I don’t want you to know me. Please don’t ask me why.
Powerlessness becomes me. I fear that I will
Be discovered. I don’t want to have anything
To do with anyone. Kindly leave me alone
As I fade into the unwelcoming unknown.
Each of us is addicted to our wellbeing
Ultimately. It’s everyone’s wish to fulfill.
