Tag Archive | pain

Facing Contrast

How can I think good feeling thoughts when I’m in pain?
If there isn’t an answer then what can I do
To relieve myself of this intense agony?
Is there any hope of my ever breaking free
Of this thing I seem to be putting myself through?
Normalcy of existence I need to regain.

I have to separate the emotion from what
Is being manifested within my body.
If I can postpone my feeling utter despair
For a brief moment I can get to a place where
I can whittle the pain away gradually.
I need something to catapult me from my rut.

I can understand that the manifestation
Of how I feel I can control right here and now.
I can change how I feel no matter how I feel.
I do not have to make of the pain an ordeal.
Anything I can get through if I can allow
The wellbeing to flood my imagination.

I can’t let ‘what is’ be the reason why I feel
The way I do. The reason must be because I
Intended to feel this way. I get to decide
In each moment to feel fine or dissatisfied.
Now I don’t have to keep on asking myself why
I must suffer that which is not the ideal.

I Decided To Live

Nov26

At that moment a long time ago when I was
In abject desolation over what I felt
Was a life made unlivable by my own hand
Nothing made any sense. I could not understand
Why I’d come into being. Far below the belt
Was my consciousness and I knew what was the cause.

I’m a loser. That’s such and unkind thing to say
Of oneself or of anyone but it’s so true.
I’ve done things I’m ashamed of. I’ve acted the fool.
In my trying to live life I broke every rule.
I’ve been a rotten bastard to everyone who
I have ever known. How did I turn out this way?

I’ve burnt every bridge I know. Now with urgency
I confess that I’m not the kind of person who
Is deserving of anything but psychic pain.
I don’t blame the fact that I’ve made myself insane
By my defects of character. What can I do
To express my remorse for what I’d come to be?

I believe in past lives. This life I’m living now
Is a fluke. It’s as if I’m not human at all
But an alien sent here to learn a few things
About being a decent person and it brings
On a deep sense of sorrow that I’m yet a small
Reflection of humanity gone wrong somehow.

Yet I know that my chance of survival is slim
As I hold on to this story. I want to live
Out this mess of a life and perhaps finally
Turn out to be the person I wanted to be.
I believe that I still have a whole lot to give.
I don’t want to believe that my future is dim.

To all those whom I’ve harmed know that I’m now aware
Of the damage I’ve done. I can only regret
Having done it. My sorrow is deep and profound.
There’s no way that I’m able to turn things around
At this point. Am I able to repay my debt?
That’s the question I’m left to ponder with much care.

Understanding Spiritual Partnerships

Sep8

Spiritual partnership is a partnership
Between equals with the aim of spiritual
Growth. Friendships aren’t spiritual because friends don’t
Want to rock the boat which is the reason they won’t
Help you get past the surface of your rationale
That’s afflicted. In essence, they don’t give a rip.

Friends will try to console, empathize, and relate
To your issues. They’ll try to make you feel better
When you’re not feeling happy. But they’ll never try
To get down to the nitty gritty and ask why
You’ve allowed your illusion of fear to fetter
Your spirit and the will within you to create.

A spiritual partner will help you look at
Where your bad experiences are coming from.
They won’t say, “Things will get better so don’t worry.”
A spiritual partner is likely to be
An annoyance at times and you may hate them some.
Sometimes friendships and marriages don’t go for that.

Friends will huddle together to keep from being
Buffeted by the winds. Spiritual partners
Want to know where the wind comes from. Never are they
Critical or judgmental. In truth they will stay
In compassion which is what the hurt soul prefers.
Spiritual partners aren’t always agreeing.

Your Highest Priority

Sep7

In order to live a life of awareness and
Freedom, in other words, to create Authentic
Power you need commitment, courage, compassion,
And appropriate action. Communication
With others is more conscious. You feel terrific.
You’ve found what allows your consciousness to expand.

All are of equal importance but commitment
Helps to get the ball rolling. Commitment to what?
To yourself and to your becoming more aware
Of your purpose. It’s important for you to care
About how you are feeling deep down in your gut
About living your life to the fullest extent.

To create more consciously and constructively
Is all part of your purpose. Being able to
Connect with people better than you’re doing it
Presently can be of tremendous benefit
To your growth as a spirit. You’re able to do
What it takes to develop spiritually.

Commitment is the deep fuel. It’s the thing that makes
It all happen. Rather than withdrawing into
Judgment or needing to please others you can be
Much more aware of Your Highest Priority.
May you have freedom that before you never knew.
The decision on your part is all that it takes.

Where Is Mister Right?

Sep5

“You complete me.” It’s sweet. It can make the girls cry
When they hear it especially on the big screen.
People mean it when they say it. But is it true?
Is it possible for everything about you
To be part of someone else? The world, if it’s seen
Through rose colored glasses, will not be your ally.

You may have had a relationship with someone
Who’s abusive so red flags go up everywhere
There are men. Look at that to see what’s going on
With your feelings from which conclusions can be drawn
In order to provide yourself the best of care
In your searching for a romantic solution.

Don’t be in denial about previous pain
That you suffered. You must feel it then let it go
Because it’s served its mission. Don’t drag it into
The future. You’ll repeat the ordeal if you do.
Once the pain is transcended the healed heart will grow
In experience. You’ll have a whole lot to gain.

Don’t look for the ‘right’ person. Instead look for who
In yourself you would love to be. Make yourself the
Right person for yourself then the right person will
Be attracted to you but he may not fulfill
Your dream in every detail. But at least you’ll be
With the person who is most attracted to you.

Shift Your Attention Inward For Answers

Aug31

Instead of looking outward look inward to find
The answers to your questions. When you look outside
Of yourself then control and manipulation
Enter the picture. How is looking inward done?
Is there some kind of process that can be applied
To look inward? What if one is not so inclined?

What you want to create is authentic power.
Looking inward accomplishes that easily.
It’s not difficult and there’s no special technique
To follow. If it’s answers to questions you seek
Then just go there. Your focus is necessary
For ideas planted to begin to flower.

There are two worlds – the outer world and the inner.
What happens on the inside is more important
Than the external drama. The world you perceive
With you physical senses will make you believe
In its absolute reality and you can’t
Shake that notion. The mind must completely concur.

Multi-sensory beings we’re all becoming.
The soul wants harmony and cooperation.
In a world ruled by external power we can
Find the time to look inward. This is the best plan
To be focused on for your soul’s evolution.
Shifting your attention inward means everything.

Addiction And Spiritual Growth

Aug24

There’s no logical reason for me to have turned
Out this way. My upbringing was loving and kind
Yet I have an addiction. I have to admit
To myself that I have no intention to quit
Because in it there’s some semblance of peace of mind.
About life and my living it I’m unconcerned.

What’s the reason I do it? To cover the pain
Of my feeling inadequate to be around
Other people. I feel that I’m not capable
Of loving. I perceive that I’m unlovable.
There are no redeeming qualities to be found
In this sorry self. My whole life I’ve lived in vain.

Well, that’s it in a nutshell. I could say that I
Lost my job or a loved one but deep down inside
I feel ugly and socially not up to par.
I am powerless over conditions that are
Of myself too revealing. I have much to hide.
I don’t want you to know me. Please don’t ask me why.

Powerlessness becomes me. I fear that I will
Be discovered. I don’t want to have anything
To do with anyone. Kindly leave me alone
As I fade into the unwelcoming unknown.
Each of us is addicted to our wellbeing
Ultimately. It’s everyone’s wish to fulfill.

Remembering Why You Started

Jul30

Why did I even start this thing? I can’t recall
Exactly what the motive was. It had something
To do with self-expression. It had been my dream
To become something of an artist. It would seem
That there’s much competition, so what could I bring
To the table? My contribution would be small.

Yet I know that this attitude gets me nowhere
If I nurse it. I must shift my focus somehow
To something more befitting this now troubled soul.
This adventure I’m on I think can make me whole
As a person. My purpose here is to allow
My words to take on meaning that people can share.

It’s not like I am running some kind of a race
To a finish line. I don’t see this as a sport
To be played as if I were a verbal athlete.
If I got people to read this, that would be sweet
But it’s not necessary. I get my support
From within. To me that is a most sacred space.

I know that in this real world of uncertainty
People struggle before they see any progress.
My story is unwritten yet. This is a start
Of an eternal venture. I speak from the heart
To myself and the universe and my success
Is assured. I remember now who I’m to be.

Empathy And Compassion

Jun10

Compassion is looking at another person
Through the eyes of their inner being. Noticing
That someone is in trouble inspires within you
The desire to do something that is of value.
It’s an expression of one’s true understanding
Of another’s unfortunate situation.

Empathy is a person’s ability to
Share the feelings of others and to understand
Truly where they are coming from. It is therefore
Quite related to sympathy, pity, and more
Of the less positive feelings at one’s command.
Oversensitive people have broad points of view.

Anyone can ‘own the room’ vibrationally,
Meaning one becomes dominant and persuasive
In the social environment, which is okay
If only their evolved self they chose to display,
But someone disconnected can be abrasive
To their audience to a horrific degree.

Be able to hold your own about the value
Of another who’s suffering even when they
Can’t see anything good about where they are now.
Remain focused on their potential and allow
Your own inner being to show you the best way
To proceed in every single thing that you do.

Remember Why You Started

May29

At the intersection of what is and what can
Be, our stories are written. It’s where decisions
Are made and where lives are ultimately defined.
What is possible is constantly on the mind
Of the person whose most extravagant visions
Are their driving force. There is a definite plan.

There may be growth in comfort. There’s little upside
Or downside. It’s just simply the easier way,
But it may yield regret because one cannot know
What one could have achieved had they chose to follow
Their true spirit. It’s too much of a price to pay
For some of us. Within delusion we may hide.

There may be comfort in growth. The difficulty
Causes one to get stronger with eyes fixated
On the goal. One becomes well accustomed to pain
And transforms it. No effort is ever in vain,
And there’s tremendous pride in what’s been created.
The dream chaser can deal with the uncertainty.

Can you see the big picture when the sky appears
To be falling down around you? When you’re in pain,
It becomes very easy to forget why you
Started out. Don’t give up on what you’re here to do.
If you really want to, it’s not hard to maintain
Your alignment in all negative atmospheres.

Fallen

May23

At some point on your journey you will trip and fall.
Things go south rather quickly and you’re caught off guard.
Tragedy, disappointment, and pain are what you
Know too well, and you don’t know what the hell to do
To recover your spirit. It’s pretty damned hard
To be happy when you’re the one who’s dropped the ball.

We all get hit on the blind side once in a while.
You can lose your job, home, car, or someone you love.
What will you do about it? It’s your decision.
You can choose to grow through the pain and envision
Your triumphant transcendence. It’s way far above
Any choice worth maintaining your spirit’s profile.

Some of the greatest things you will ever learn and
Some of the greatest changes in your life will be
Due to pain, so don’t knock it. It is a good thing
As it strengthens the spirit. You don’t have to cling
To the agony aspect necessarily.
Going through pain helps your consciousness to expand.

Sometimes in life it feels like you have to hit back
And do damage to what you think is keeping you
From achieving your goals, but it’s an illusion.
Having grown through your pain you’ll reach the conclusion
That your point of attraction can be trained anew.
There’s no trick to your getting your life back on track.

Selflessness

Apr25

Every emotion you feel in life is a choice,
Which means that you control everything that you feel.
You were meant to enjoy life. If you can learn how,
You’ll never be a burden on others. Allow
That to be your gift to others and the ordeal
Of your own neediness you will not want to voice.

The least selfish thing you can do and the most kind
Is to be in alignment with the best of you.
It’s also the most loving and graceful of things
You can do. Clarity and wellbeing it brings.
So, can it be called selfless? What you choose to do
To help others can in itself be self-inclined.

Everyone has the right to live their life as they
Choose to live it, as long as they don’t interfere
With the same right of others. “We love the things we
Love for what they are.” When you love genuinely,
Empathy becomes natural. Then you can hear
What the other is saying. Fear washes away.

What you think of yourself must be more important
Than what others think of you. You give up control
In the moment you let others know you’re willing
To do anything for them. You can by filling
Your heart with love reach into someone else’s soul.
It’s okay to be selfless. There’s no one who can’t.

Life And Death Lessons

Mar29

The entry point of an assault rifle bullet
Is much smaller than the exit wound. That’s because
It creates mass expansion as it passes through
Flesh and bone. The amount of damage it can do
Is to some captivating. If ever there was
A weapon of pure hate, this is the one to get.

A child shot through the chest leaves the corpse of a child
With its entire back missing. When shot through the head,
It’s as if it exploded. This killing machine
People cherish. This nation is vile and obscene
Regarding weapons that can shoot so many dead.
It’s an issue that will never be reconciled.

From the birth of the Wild West through eternity,
Powerful is the intoxicating gun smoke
To the mind. Branch Republicans we have become.
Civil War is a lethal obsession to some
Who support the gun lobbies, as those who are woke
Want to be a nation of some civility.

Those who have learned their lesson are no longer here.
We survivors are students of our behavior.
Those who now learn to drop to the floor and play dead
Will some day be the ones who will end the bloodshed.
It will be something that hasn’t happened before.
Until then, our future is uniquely austere.

Something You Can Control

Feb12

I’m in pain, and it’s chronic. I find no relief.
Positive thoughts escape me. What else can I do
But to suffer throughout life? My ailing body
Is the source of my torment. I so want to be
In the best of health. I know something is askew
With something I don’t know about, which gives me grief.

How can I think positive thoughts when I’m in pain?
Is that not a fair question, given that I take
This body everywhere I go? It’s a big part
Of how I feel at any moment. In my heart
I know that there’s an answer. God, give me a break
From the psychic conundrum. I’ve nothing to gain.

Positive emotion is what I want to feel.
I have to separate out the emotion from
The manifestation that I call my body.
The emotion I can control quite easily,
But the body has already gained momentum,
So it may take time for it to completely heal.

Between fear and hope there is a big difference…
Like between life and death or recovery from
A health issue. If I can manage to prolong
The manifestation of pain, I can’t go wrong.
The condition will have an amazing outcome
Feeling better is what to me makes the most sense.

I Should Not Have Been Born

Feb2

Can I blame mental illness for how I’ve behaved?
I would like to, but that would mean that I’m now sane.
In my old age, alone now, consumed in remorse,
I’m possessed by a grossly malevolent force.
My whole life was a mission to cause others pain
From this brutal life review I cannot be saved.

It’s injustice to worthiness. I don’t deserve
Satisfaction in living. In purgatory,
I remember my madness and all I have done
To create such calamity for everyone
I can think of. The reason that people hate me
Is because I’m an asshole with colossal nerve.

That’s why I flush the toilet every now and then
By moving to another place, leaving behind
A train wreck of existence to fuck up anew
Somewhere else. I’m amazed by the things that I do
That are downright disgusting. I had been unkind
For no apparent reason again and again.

Can I feel the embarrassment? Have I a soul?
As my lead solar plexus drains my energy,
I don’t want to remember the people I’ve known.
Knowing they have forgotten me, I can disown
That it ever had happened. In hell I should be.
Perhaps unconsciously that’s my ultimate goal.

But I’m here now and have been assigned to this role
For some God unknown reason. I am humbled by
My existence. I’m sorry for all that I’ve done
To hurt others. To hope that healing has begun
Is, I hope, not too arrogant. The day I die
Will be one of rejoicing for this troubled soul.

When Things Get Hard

Sep25

Life can throw you some curves. We know this to be true,
And it’s not just the things that you can see coming.
It’s the things out of nowhere that can set you back
Far enough that you fear you can’t get back on track.
“Never Give Up!” This beat is well worth your drumming.
When you’ve reached your limit, what else is there to do?

Am I going to make it? This echoing fear
Makes the tight spot a tough knot for my gut to bare.
When faced with the impossible most people will
Give it up. In so doing, they do not fulfill
Their life’s dreams, which may lead to ultimate despair.
Life remains hard while maintaining this atmosphere.

When I’ve reached my rock bottom and I’m depleted
Of my energy, that’s the point where the tide turns.
The pain is what makes me stronger. If I go through
It instead of avoiding it, what I once knew
Cannot matter much. This is how my spirit learns
That in life I am tried but never defeated.

Pain is what makes one stronger. It is the high cost
Of the growth of the spirit. The mentality
Of the victim or victor is what I may choose.
There is winning or learning. This wonderful news
Is a change in my outlook. I don’t have to be
Disillusioned about life, and all is not lost.

Pain

Sep2

Pain is the braking of the shell that encloses
My understanding. Just as the stone of the fruit
Must break open so that its heart stands in the sun,
I must know pain. Can this be true for everyone?
How can the depth of my sorrow feel so acute?
Agony is the truth that my heart exposes.

Yet, if I knew not my pain, could I know wonder
In my life of the daily miracles that bring
Me much joy? And would I accept the seasons of
My heart, even as I’ve accepted those I love?
Through the winters of my grief, my awakening
With serenity shall not be cast asunder.

Much of my pain is self-chosen. The physician
Within me prepares a bitter potion to heal
My sickness. I drink this remedy in silence
And tranquility. The healer’s grip is immense,
But it’s guided by what the unseen can’t reveal
To the healer or my self-imposed condition.

The hand is hard and heavy. The cup that is brought
To my lips, though it burns, has been fashioned of the
Clay which the Potter has moistened with sacred tears.
Can there soon be an ending to what now appears
To be hopeless? It depends a lot upon me.
I accept the lesson that my living has taught.

Pain Relief

Jul1

All pain is resistance to the natural self.
Everyone has one that is in excellent shape,
But that self is a counterpart of your body.
If you stub your toe, the message may simply be
‘Watch your step’ because it was a narrow escape.
Sadly, the only word that rhymes with ‘self’ is ‘shelf.’

Let’s say you have an expectation that something
Will occur but it doesn’t and then you resist
The process that’s unfolding which causes you pain.
You act on it, but everything done is in vain.
The intensity of it cannot be dismissed.
You are caught in the trap of overreacting.

You are not buying into the natural flow
Of how things unfold in your life, understanding
Not that things are occurring to give you the chance
To know more about yourself, so the circumstance
Of the pain that is present is an offering
Of a wonderful opportunity to grow.

Whether your pain be physical or of the mind
Know that in it there is a magnificent clue
Regarding what is needed for your wellbeing.
Pain can sometimes help us toward better seeing
Things we do to ourselves without our meaning to.
This message is designed for all of humankind.

Every Little Secret

Jun28

I’ve been dealing with back pain for over three years.
I have not been able to get a good night’s sleep.
I’m awakened suddenly often through the night.
If I get back to sleep it’s fitful all despite
My efforts to feel wholesome. I manage to keep
Myself from feeling hopeless despite all my fears.

What I want exactly is to wake up restored,
Refreshed, joyful, and eager to start the new day.
Can my natural state of wellbeing return?
About pain there are some things I truly should learn.
For Every Little Secret I’m willing to pay
Undivided attention. This I can afford.

Long before the pain manifested within me
I was pushing against things and making life hard
Which feels terrible on the emotional scale.
I must use resources that are at my avail.
Negative patterns of living I must discard.
I can savor the feeling of being pain free.

Do anything and everything that you can do
To soften the awareness of the nagging pain.
If that means taking pills then by all means do it.
To the emotional work I still can commit.
Absolute physical wellness I can attain
By releasing resistance. I must follow through.

The Genius Of The Crowd

Jun22

Treachery, hatred, violence, absurdity…
There’s enough of it in the average person
To supply any given army any day.
Those who excel at murder preach, and what they say
Is that killing is offensive yet they have none
Of the virtue they speak of. All eyes plainly see.

Those who hate with a passion and do it quite well
Are those who get to teach love. Is this ironic?
And those who are the best at war finally preach
Of the peace that is needed. Their eloquent speech
Often manipulates the body politic.
Negativity sadly is not a hard sell.

Those who preach love have no love, and those who preach peace
Don’t have peace. Those who speak of God incessantly
Do need God. Beware the knowers and the preachers.
Those who read books are also dangerous creatures.
People who detest or are proud of poverty
Are a drain on the life force. Connection must cease.

Beware the average human being today.
There’s enough genius in their hatred of others
To kill you, me, or anyone. No solitude
Do they want nor can understand. This can be viewed
As a tragic existence if one so prefers.
It’s an understatement that life’s not a ballet.

Feel Better Instantly

Jun15

We adults have our aliments, especially pain
That comes on rather suddenly causing distress.
We also have discomforts in the gut and chest.
Competition is fierce to provide what is best
To address our conditions as we acquiesce
To the real life of rigors and of constant strain.

There is not an emotion associated
With a feeling of stuckness within the body.
It’s just sluggish and present. It comes and it goes.
It is good that children do not suffer the woes
Of the unevolved adult who happens to be
The student in this instance. Much more can be said.

But this poem is finite in length. We can find
Relief from pain and discomfort most easily
By relaxing into it letting the mind drift
While thinking only thoughts that will soothe and uplift.
One can then ask the question, “Is this good for me?”
Coaxing oneself in this way is much more than kind.

Reaching for feelings of relief are we always…
From fear, hatred, revenge, anger, worry, and doubt…
And a half a mile other ways of resistance.
It’s good to be happy in any circumstance.
Being free like a child is what it’s all about.
Their example is certainly worthy of praise.

So Now…

Jun12

Do I care about people? Do I have a heart?
Life has thrown me into a conundrum of doubt.
I write words to express, but they’ve all come and gone.
I have only my memories to reflect on.
All my life I’d been hoping to figure things out.
Now I know that I’ve been insane right from the start.

The phone vibrates. I tremble. I can’t get used to
Random contact by randomness of entities
That see me as a prospect for making a sale.
I respond but by now I’m as slow as a snail.
I arrive quite unsatisfied and on my knees
To repent for the things I continue to do.

There’s a leak in the toilet. It’s a reminder
Of my slow steady wasting of infinite grace.
Things could have been a lot different if I had
Been with my own a righteous family comrade.
All the sins I have committed now I must face.
I’m surprised that a random soul would call me ‘sir.’

Once the life force within me was ever so bright.
Unbelievably sturdy and fast on my feet,
I had time to waste… and I did, to my regret.
Is it true that I have not a single asset
Spiritual in nature or even concrete?
Can I find anything in this world I’ve done right?

When A Soul Contract Ends

May24

Soul contracts are agreements we enter into
Before birth because souls involved will be bonded
Together for some time for lessons to be learned
That are raw and specific. Our guides are concerned
That we grow through experience. We’ve responded
To spiritual process. It is nothing new.

Before this contract is created we will meet
With our guides who permit us to plan and design
Which life lessons and situations might be best
For each soul’s evolution. What we manifest
In the way of our karma may fall out of line
With intentions original. It’s not defeat.

When all lessons are learned then the contract will end.
When that happens folks respond in various ways.
Like losing an old friend some may feel great sorrow.
But some may be quite happy to let someone go
Who had been a real asshole throughout all the days
Of the contract’s duration. Have you made a friend?

The end of a soul contract ends only a part
Of your life. The next chapter will always be there.
With certain understanding we learn and engage
Our manifold relationships on the life stage.
We instruct one another to be more aware
Of the matters that matter so much to the heart.

One Of Us

Apr23

“What’s Your Social?”, it’s asked, and there is a response.
Everyone knows the drill and will play by the rules.
‘Your Social’ is unique enough to cast a spell
On the physical consciousness. It does this well
It’s expected that all behave like molecules
That are totally driven by their needs and wants.

It’s a personal question, so one must take care
Not to disclose the puzzle piece of the heartbeat
To unauthorized persons. No one wonders why
Nor is there any problem. By law all comply.
Can one mess with a system that cannot be beat?
Anyone thinking they can had better beware.

One Of Us or of any is meant to be one
Of all ones to be thought of… meaning everything
From the one who is singular to all there are.
One need not know their oneness by looking too far
Into rational thought and literal meaning.
The conceptual mantra can get a lot done.

It’s no mark of acceptance – just of inclusion
Within orders created by one’s circumstance.
To be known as One Of Us feels like I belong
To something that has meaning. All that I’ve done wrong
Tells me strongly that I will get no second chance
To behave in a better way with everyone.

Hope?

Apr20

Almost all of my life I’ve been mentally ill.
This profound revelation comes at a late stage.
I have made poor decisions that caused harm and grief.
In a fit of psychosis beyond my belief,
I have severed my roots. I am left to engage
In extreme self-analysis. It is no thrill.

I’m face down in my own crap, and my, what a mess.
It would take me a lifetime to straighten things out.
But I’ve already screwed up this life as it be.
Can I find a solution somewhere inside me?
Quickly I was approaching the terminal doubt…
That I should not have been born. I feel less than less.

What I wanted my whole life I already had…
Loving parents, a fine home, and family life.
I flushed that down the toilet. Now, having done so,
I am haunted by thoughts of where my soul might go,
But at least I’d not be here to cause people strife.
I recall only times when I’ve made people sad.

My big plan is to clean up the big mess I’ve made.
With the help of my God I can get this thing done.
I shall pay off my huge debts and own property
Through the special talents God bestowed upon me.
All that I ever wanted was to be someone
Who is loving, and I am still on that crusade.

The Machine

Apr16

Critical is the nature of all that is real.
Life maintained is a symphony of submission
To process… it’s profundity, having known hell.
Painfully, my own story is pleasant to tell.
The revealed Magic Realist and I are one.
Intertwined human troubles I rightly must feel.

Easily I am grateful now that the world view
I allow to possess me with its circuitry.
Already with my deep guilt that I cannot hide,
Ignorance of reality, never implied,
Yet the interdependence is made part of me.
I digest the late wake up call. Can it get through?

Never mind a life crisis to forecast the end
Of a thing become tangled in self-awareness.
Knowing now its fragility, I taste respect.
The finite probability has the effect
Of defining the issues I need to address.
This complex human puzzle I must comprehend.

Surrender this old body to forces divine.
The coming machine cycle is due to occur.
The grand clock of existence is mine to express
Through the real me evolving. I can’t go for less
Than the grace necessary to be as it were
In eternal alignment with all that is mine.

Letting Go

Mar13

…Rest, Dub-Lub… Rest, Dub-Lub… Rest, Dub-Lub… Rest, Dub-Lub…
The heartbeat is a rhythm that moves life along
As the intimate drummer becomes different
In each moment of being. To disorient
Is the mission of Satan, the master of wrong.
Any verse can provide a spiritual scrub.

There’s so much information. It floods consciousness
Through the integral networks of society.
I must know what is going on, and I must feel.
Images of the horror and torment are real.
Nervous systems, extended by technology,
Are more interconnected. Has there been progress?

The unthinkable misfortune brought to you by
Your efficient news network can eat at your soul.
Take as much as you can of it, then let it go.
Your psyche will not be haunted by its shadow.
There are some things over which we have no control.
The frustration and sorrow are hard to deny.

I can be with the feeling and not deny it.
I can put my attention on just the feeling
Without thinking about where the feeling comes from…
Or about anything. Do not beat any drum
That will start thought momentum. Just by allowing
The feeling without resisting, I can stay fit.

There’s Nothing Ahead

Feb2

Lovers think that they are looking for each other
But there is only one search. It is wandering
This world is wandering that, both inside of one
Transparent the sky. In here, as all said is done
There’s no dogma or heresy and not a thing
On the long road to nowhere on earth as it were.

The miracle of Jesus is himself, not what
He said or did about the future. So forget
The future. I would worship someone who could do
Only that but I fear that there are but a few
Who can get through the journey without some regret.
Would it be much the wiser to temper one’s strut?

On the way you may want to look back, or may not
But if you can say truly “There’s noting ahead,”
There will be nothing there. Stretch your arms and take hold
Of the cloth of your clothes with both hands. Pain is gold
And itself is the cure for it. Live and break bread.
This moment is the only one that can be sought.

Good and bad are mixed. If you do not have them both
Then you don’t belong with us. Just where you belong
Is of your own creation. When one of us gets
Lost, is not here, there is not a call for regrets.
That one must be inside us healthy, whole, and strong.
There’s no place like that anywhere. Thus is our growth.

The Superior Race?

Jan19

Don’t believe what your eyes see. This man is supreme
Just because of his white skin and powerful genes.
As he looks right straight past you with only one eye
One can know he means business. He’s willing to try
To take over the country by violent means
Because he bears the right to go to the extreme.

Just what oath are you keeping, you ignorant fool?
…The one that says stupidity shall ever reign?
Then you’re making good progress but only for you.
You can shoot your damned eye out. What else can you do?
As a gun safety instructor you draw disdain.
May your oath keeping cohorts sign up for your school.

Those who preach white supremacy can you explain
How that concept can settle in your vacant minds
And then grow into hatred beyond all belief?
Why is there no other race causing so much grief?
Take a look at your own race with trash of all kinds.
If you idolize this jerk you’re truly insane.

I was given the lowdown some decades ago
From a jerk with a hair of hatred up his ass.
He warned me there’d be bloodshed. The coming race war
Is a threat that is possible if we ignore
The raw truth of the matter. This bitter impasse
Leaves us ever divided and steeped in our woe.

Feminine Drought

Jan16

To be one with the contrast that is part of me…
Is it my sin to think that we all can be one?
Christ knew nothing of hatred. He knew only love.
Why do modern day Christians have every kind of
Nasty defect of character under the sun?
How are those of true faith so not able to see?

It’s all been documented throughout history
How the hatred of women and Christian values
Have been forced into marriage. The resultant child
Is a sick ideology where the reviled
Are half the congregation of whom they accuse
Of bringing sin to mankind originally.

The far right are the hypocrites. Like the Nazis
Who believed in male dominance, republicans
Have become the new billboard to promulgate hate.
Religion is a power tool used to berate
Anything that is not male or white, and their plans
Are to subjugate nonwhites and women with ease.

It is the patriarchal biblical word view
That has become the enemy of humankind.
We know Eve was created as an afterthought.
Think of that implication! The mindset is fraught
With existential illogic. Fear the sick mind
That may be of your neighbor who just may hate you.

Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, ox, or donkey,
Or anything of value that some man may own.
Women should not have authority over man.
This bullshit from the bible is where it began.
This is why we’re psychotic and violence prone.
Our survival as one race may not come to be.

The Eighth Deadly Sin

Dec20

If I could deal with my sins, I’d not need to write.
Should I count them a blessing for creative work?
And is my darkest nature subject to concern
Of a soul who would read me? My will is to learn
What it is that upsets me. I’ve gone full berserk
Throughout most of my living. It’s been a huge fight.

There are now seven deadly ones. Once there were eight.
Back in times medieval the big change was made
Perhaps due to aesthetics, Seven is more pure
And more easily remembered. One can be sure
That the eighth must have gotten people so afraid
That they dropped it completely to safeguard their fate.

All of them wrapped into one is what I’ve become
Now that I as an old man review my sick life.
In my weakness I’m not the risk I was before.
It’s a blessing that I can’t abuse anymore.
It’s no wonder I experience so much strife.
I’m a step below the level of lowlife scum.

To Despond is the eighth sin. It’s now a disease
That is treated with counseling – not the preacher.
An outlook that is hopeless and marked by despair,
Chronic gloom, and depression is the lack of care
I have given to goodness. I am a creature
Who, in life’s recollection, is brought to its knees.

Uncivil Mitosis

Dec15

Red and Blue come together to form a union
And escape from the tyranny of monarchy.
One nation undivided with territories
With their own constitutions and racial disease
Has remained but a battlefield. Lord have mercy
On this land most bedeviled by contradiction.

I would not have thought things could turn out quite this way.
The illusion of brotherly love was intense.
Psychedelic were those days of Reverend King.
Now, the dream of America is not a thing
That resembles inclusiveness. Does it make sense
That a part of society serves as its prey?

Liberals and conservatives, blue folk and red…
The confederate and union troops on the field
Also make up the government and places high.
Blatancy is becoming. Here’s the reason why.
It is only through battle that we become healed
So that we can remember and honor our dead.

As it has been it will be. No change can occur
But the ongoing process of cell division
And the up and down cycles of racial hatred
Is something that I’ll ponder perhaps ‘til I’m dead.
I alone have the right to make the decision
That allows for my freedom as I would prefer.

Pro-Life?

Dec9

Secession from the Union is sadly the role
Of the people in leadership in certain states.
Racism is an ice cold determination.
Ruthlessly the psychosis will never be done.
It matters not the path nor danger that awaits.
Every kind of rebellion is locked in the soul.

Which states will lead the nation in counting their dead?
With extreme desperation it is a contest
To placate the defiant ignorant to know
But to curse everything about the status quo.
The contempt for authority that is expressed
Is sufficient to keep all from moving ahead.

Mostly victims are children in these sick places
Where the spread of the virus increases by day.
Hospitalized children is specific red states
Are the highest reported. The leader who hates
Is in fact the worse killer. If he has his way
The bug will only kill those of certain races.

Gut wrenching are the stories that pour out of hell.
One must deal with intolerance to common sense
And attraction to living instead of disease.
What happens when the nation is brought to its knees?
Would the scourge of hypocrisy be as immense?
It takes more than a vaccine to make people well.

Nigger Season

Nov21

If I walk outside my house I may be shot dead
By some teen with a license which is his white skin.
It may be for no other reason than I’m black,
And a crime such as that is well worth an attack.
What can I do about my original sin?
Following this dark sequence is done with much dread.

But I have to go through it. I have not the choice
But to work out this puzzle witch fucks with the mind.
It’s not that I’m heartbroken. I’m now wide awake
To the hate that is due me. No hand may I shake
That is not mine in color. In this can I find
Some perverted assed reason for me to rejoice?

No I can’t. So, it’s best that I piss and move on.
Survival is a given until it is not.
I remain just as helpless as decades ago.
Civil rights was a pipe dream, and as the weeds grow
Hatred lingers and forces itself by gunshot.
‘Seems we’ll never live up to the manicured lawn.

The procession of seasons that nature provides
Is severely augmented by issues of race.
Responding to the gut punch, I find some relief.
And my role in the picture is that much more brief.
My death may be related to some lame court case.
That’s where I am. I now leave it up to my guides.

Missing Inaction

Sep27

When a white girl is missing, all are up in arms.
There are many resources expended to find
Every clue to her whereabouts. Amber alerts
Are broadcasted profusely, and the thing that hurts
Is that black and brown females are left far behind
In the blessing of God’s grace. Everyone it harms.

Every standard young white couple out on the trail
Is a thing of great value and such a fresh sight
Until something turns ugly. The man is believed,
And the woman’s whole take on things is misperceived.
If this couple were black, would the system be right?
One or both of them surely would end up in jail.

There’s no knee-to-the-neck justice for the white man.
He may bullshit his way into running scot free.
A fake twenty dollar bill is just not the same
As a white woman’s murder. Yet he bears no blame
Until things are so obvious for all to see.
Institutional racism is a dark plan.

To ask if there’s a problem with anything here
That is written or written of is but to jest.
My whole purpose in writing is to explore truth.
As we look to the future, it is in our youth
That the cycle be broken – not just not expressed.
We as humans can avoid a future austere.

Aster * Risk

Sep11

Everyone that I’ve ever know will hate my guts.
It’s a given. I don’t have to figure that out.
In the brief time that I may have left, I’m assured
That I will be the enemy. Those who’ve endured
My abuse will be thankful and gleefully shout
When I’m gone because I’m prone to driving folks nuts.

You do that to me also though. This quid pro squat
Leaves someone more shorthanded. This Risk with a face
Tries to mingle among the real thing and behave
In the ways of true stardom. No love can it crave.
Once The Risk is discovered, a quiet disgrace
Permeates like a wet fart that offends a lot.

In some ways I am like you colorful breeders,
But something fundamental is missing in me.
Clueless, I’ve sought a lifetime the answer to that.
Yet you normal ones know me, and this tit for tat
With the mind and emotions I play piss poorly.
In the game of relating, I’ve few cheerleaders.

So I’ll just keep on hiding amid you aster
Trying hard not to dis you inadvertently.
You and I spell disaster and should never meet.
I’m an old pissed off bastard who cannot be sweet
Anymore. It is bullshit as far as I see.
My true self is the one thing that I must master.

Pony Ride

Sep8

Things are dead at the clubhouse, or maybe it’s me….
In my desperation a big gamble I took.
Now that I’ve made the foolish decision, I’m stuck.
I’ve grown closer to some. To others, I’m a schmuck
With a streak of incompetence. I’m not a crook,
But I need to be watched now, and rather closely.

Any time of the month is condensed down to one
Interrogative moment as I sit alone
With my phones disconnected. I want no contact
With the world of the living. It’s lethal impact
Feels strangely like rejection by people unknown.
I can know not the scope of the damage I’ve done.

Physical are the symptoms. The tight cramping pain –
Intercellular pillows releasing life force
In the deepest parts of me – is what I endure.
Institutions remind me that I am impure.
My net worth, nonexistent, is now void of course
In a network of gossip and righteous disdain.

There’s a knot in my gut as I straddle this rope
That my feet have slipped off of. It’s jagged movement
Makes my gait somewhat fated to going around
And around as I rummage through my dark background.
I can choose to give honor to this day’s torment
Or to see things another way, guided by hope.

Are Other People Real?

Aug2

This question that I must ask of my consciousness,
Wide awake and with focus upon humankind,
May be moot to most others who would call insane
Anyone who would ask it. Within their disdain
Is the key to the answer. Relief may I find
In engaging my asking, but not to excess.

People never are as I perceive them to be.
Each of us wants to mold into specific shape
What we know through the senses. So, reality
Is just how I perceive it. And this I do see
As a fact most confounding. Is there an escape
From the pit of inscrutable uncertainty?

When connected to spirit, I see through the eyes
Of the source of all of us. The realer they are
They may rise to the image I see as their best.
They’re as real as I make them. This begs to suggest
That the eye that beholds others is just as far
From the truth, as imagined. My, what a surprise!

Chains of Pain are created through my observing
What I don’t care to look at, then adding to it
Some more doubt and confusion plus firm evidence
Of a flaw in the fabric of my existence.
The eye of the beholder sees what it sees fit
To be worthy and justified in its being.

Empathy And Compassion

Jul20

True compassion is looking clearly at someone
Through the eyes of their better self while maintaining
One’s own sense of wellbeing. It’s good that we care
For how others are doing. Most folks are aware
Of the unending plight of human suffering
And would offer their help if something could be done.

Empathy is the understanding and sharing
Of the feelings of others. It falls somewhat short
Of the call to right action. One senses the pain
In the other, but pity is offered in vain.
This is certainly not conducive to support.
Negative connotations can empathy bring.

There are kindhearted people who can become prey
To those who’ve become needy professionally.
They’ve perfected the fine art of drawing folks in
To their confounding drama that makes the head spin.
One must exercise caution in giving freely
Of oneself in this real world in which we all play.

I can’t ignore the needy because I am one
Not through my better judgment does my growth occur.
Nonetheless, I am wealthy for all that I learn.
Need I feel like the object of someone’s concern
When I can live the life that I truly prefer?
I now know of compassion. New life is begun.

Cave In

Jun17

There cannot be a pain worse than surmounting debt.
As the tonnage increases it takes up more space
In the places my guts were before their seizure.
Should I act out in panic, more harm I’d endure.
By my credit score I am consumed in disgrace.
Every phone call or message I’ll take as a threat.

No wonder I’m so weary and pissed of a lot.
Energy that I would have for creating things
Is diverted to struggle finding strategies
To reverse severe bleeding through tense arteries.
Embarrassed that I cling on to life’s apron strings,
A fine candidate for employment I am not.

Life is caving in on me. There is no escape
Short of something most tragic or a miracle
Like a change in perception so that I will hear
The exact steps I must take to mitigate fear
And the guidance to exit my fecal canal.
I’m a far cry from being in much better shape.

If I don’t find a hustle or some employment
In the next few days, things will get way out of hand.
And I don’t have an answer, nor am I afraid.
I must pay for the foolish decisions I’ve made.
May it cost me my life. That would be more than grand.
In survival, my task is to learn to repent.

Pain

Feb27

With my best understanding enclosed in a shell,
My pain is but its breaking. Even as the stone
Of the fruit must break so its heart may see the sun,
It must know pain. This is true of most everyone.
My heart, if kept in wonder by all that I’m shown
By my life’s daily miracles, in joy must dwell.

My pain is no less wonderous than is my joy.
My heart has its own seasons, and I must accept
Them as I do the same passing over my fields.
I embrace barren times as those bringing high yields.
I observe in serenity. No pain is kept
In the unconscious darkness where it may destroy.

Much of my pain is self-chosen. The physician
Within offers the bitter potion that will heal
My sick self through my winters of grief. I must trust
In the good doctor’s wisdom that will readjust.
Though in silent tranquility through my ordeal,
I partake of the remedy as the best plan.

His hand, though hard and heavy, I know beyond doubt,
Is guided by the tender hand of the unseen.
And the cup that he brings, though my lips it will burn,
Has been fashioned from clay. From the potter I learn
That it’s moistened with his sacred tears. My routine
Fluctuates as my mood does, but I’m not freaked out.

Overcoming Suffering

Dec18

Constant shots of I Love You direct to the head
Where the heart is an image that needs special care
In resolving the problems the mind recreates
Is one kind of addiction among human fates.
Suffering is the byproduct all creatures bear
From birth into existence until they are dead.

A huge bit of my suffering is of the mind,
As it is with most people. Alone it can make
A big deal of a small thing, then all will go wrong.
If my positive thinking were stunningly strong,
It may cause enough shifting that I may awake
To the knowing that obstacles are rather kind.

Other problems of living I cannot control,
As they come from the outside, or seemingly so.
People dying and illness are common to all.
We encounter the big things as well as the small.
It is necessary for all creatures to grow
Through the difficult challenges to make them whole.

Thinking can’t offer freedom from having to face
Obstacles on my cherished path, Do I create
Every damned thing that happens? It’s irrelevant!
I can accept that I create just the moment
With detachment from judgment in absence of weight.
Optional is most suffering that I embrace.

The Magic Realist

A Poet's Path

Tag Archive | pain

Uncivil Mitosis

Pro-Life?

Nigger Season