Tag Archive | suffering

I Decided To Live

At that moment a long time ago when I was
In abject desolation over what I felt
Was a life made unlivable by my own hand
Nothing made any sense. I could not understand
Why I’d come into being. Far below the belt
Was my consciousness and I knew what was the cause.

I’m a loser. That’s such and unkind thing to say
Of oneself or of anyone but it’s so true.
I’ve done things I’m ashamed of. I’ve acted the fool.
In my trying to live life I broke every rule.
I’ve been a rotten bastard to everyone who
I have ever known. How did I turn out this way?

I’ve burnt every bridge I know. Now with urgency
I confess that I’m not the kind of person who
Is deserving of anything but psychic pain.
I don’t blame the fact that I’ve made myself insane
By my defects of character. What can I do
To express my remorse for what I’d come to be?

I believe in past lives. This life I’m living now
Is a fluke. It’s as if I’m not human at all
But an alien sent here to learn a few things
About being a decent person and it brings
On a deep sense of sorrow that I’m yet a small
Reflection of humanity gone wrong somehow.

Yet I know that my chance of survival is slim
As I hold on to this story. I want to live
Out this mess of a life and perhaps finally
Turn out to be the person I wanted to be.
I believe that I still have a whole lot to give.
I don’t want to believe that my future is dim.

To all those whom I’ve harmed know that I’m now aware
Of the damage I’ve done. I can only regret
Having done it. My sorrow is deep and profound.
There’s no way that I’m able to turn things around
At this point. Am I able to repay my debt?
That’s the question I’m left to ponder with much care.

Keep Your Heart Open In Hell

Oct13

How can one fall in love with the wholeness of all
That exists when there’s much suffering happening
On the earth? I know that love has no boundaries
But I can’t see the way the enlightened one sees.
Human nature I cannot find interesting
And my faith in our evolution is quite small.

So the frog swimming happily in the clear pond
I can deal with but with the grass snake I cannot
And it goes a bit further. I can’t find beauty
In something that contains ugliness. I can’t be
In that high state of consciousness. All that I’ve got
Is my mind and five senses with which to respond.

All forms are related to all other forms in
Ways that are lawful. If I can appreciate
This, I’ve entered a threshold of understanding
That can result in my consciousness expanding.
While in hell one can stay in a positive state.
Meditation perhaps is the place to begin.

If I stand only in my humanity I
Cannot bear it, but If from perfection I stand
It’s impersonal. I can find true compassion
Between them. I can become an enlightened one
If I wish. I’m empowered by my own command.
Suffering does exist. I cannot ponder why.

The Power Of Intention

Aug21

Nothing happens on this earth without intention.
Not one single thing has ever be accomplished
Without intention. Intention is everything.
Using it properly, it cannot help but bring
About what you want. Everything you ever wished
For can be had simply by focused attention.

Spirituality is about relieving
The pain and suffering of others. You’re aligned
With your purpose when you feel extremely lucky
To be a part of this human community.
Your intention may be that all of humankind
Be a lot more truthful and much less deceiving.

You intended to be here in this time and space.
Everything happening in this moment is your
Single manifestation. It’s all within you.
You’re the consciousness that makes my existence true.
Your intention, now stronger than ever before,
Is a virtual magnet for infinite grace.

Do enjoy what your doing and don’t even care
If it’s meaningful to anyone else but you
Because you’re all that matters. Intend to be free
To be the creative master you’re meant to be.
Be aware of the healing in all that you do.
You have done much already so take comfort there.

Find Your Purpose

Aug12

It’s not something you look for by magnifying
What’s in front of you or anywhere else for that
Matter. Your purpose can only be found within
You. It can be found easily when you begin
To use your inner guidance. You’ll get better at
Finding what to do that is most satisfying.

You know that what you resist only shows up more
In your life so the difference between knowing
When to let go and do nothing and to push on
Is the guidance within you. When all hope is gone
You can rely on what your guidance is showing
To you clearly as ever it has done before.

The intuitive voice within you tells you when
You’re not honest with yourself so it’s your conscience
Telling you that you shouldn’t have done this or that.
You cannot turn it off so what you’re looking at
Is what keeps your wheel turning yet at the expense
Of your ego but you can make it whole again.

It’s the voice that you don’t want to hear but you must
Listen to it and do what it tells you to do.
Give it your best shot and let go of the outcome.
Anything that you want to do has to come from
Deep within you. When you access that part of you
You’ll find your purpose. In the process you must trust.

What Really Heals?

Aug5

There’s a kind of mysterious healing of the
Cords between and among us that soothes our fears and
Terrors and actually lets us become seen
And perhaps known. So what healing really does mean
Is projecting wellbeing. One takes full command
Of the gift of positive healing energy.

Connection to the world and a kind of freedom
In the quest for the healing we’re invited to.
On the one hand there are tools to quiet the mind
And to open the heart. On the other we find
Tools for dealing with trauma. They both have to do
With compassion. It’s where much of healing comes from.

Mindfulness, compassion, and awareness can be
Used to help release conflict with ourselves and the
World around us. What Really Heals is connection
With the ill person. They become our reflection
Of wellbeing and pure positive energy.
We can feel where they’re coming from most honestly.

Different ways there are for us to recognize
The patterns that we hold that create suffering.
They’re at our avail. Understanding and insight
On your part still may not make everything alright
But it will put you in touch with what’s happening
In their world and to see everything through their eyes.

Whatever It Takes

May27

Greatness has its cost. It can take you to the brink
Of a breakdown. It puts your friends and family
On the back burner. It will reschedule your plans,
And at times your promoting won’t win any fans.
It makes you feel misunderstood to the degree
That you learn not to care about what others think.

Greatness demands everything from your mind, body,
Spirit, and your soul. Many will talk about how
They hate losing, but they do nothing about it.
Greatness means that you’re ever willing to commit
To doing Whatever It Takes and to allow
The free flowing of your positive energy.

Winners will show up early, stay late every day,
And talk to anybody that will help them to
Get ahead with their project. They have confidence
In themselves and what they’re doing, so it makes sense
That success is the outcome. The more that they do
To support their agenda has to be okay.

Some would say life’s a dog fight. With that point of view
One may win certain battles through much grief and pain.
Focus on what your doing. Do not be concerned
With a fighting world wherein nothing can be learned.
In the long run the fruits of your effort you’ll gain.
The only fight to win is the one within you.

Spiritual Liberation

May14

Liberation is the act of being freed from
Slavery or oppression or imprisonment.
It occurs when someone is released, rescued, or
One escapes from confinement. It’s an open door
To the freedom to live life to full enjoyment.
It’s amazing what a freed person can become.

Spiritual liberation clearly implies
That within this world one’s consciousness is confused,
Trapped, lost, stuck, and in bondage. The highest purpose
In life is to free ourselves of illusion, thus
One who seeks liberation is likely enthused
About doing whatever will make one more wise.

The concept of liberation sought, known, and taught
By spiritual masters throughout history
Has to do with salvation, redemption, and more
Terms like it. One’s enlightenment is at the core
Of intention. One wants to be totally free
Of the traps in which one always seems to get caught.

Freedom from the bonds of illusion, ignorance,
Separation, and duality is the goal
Of spiritual practice. Unconditional
Love, service, and compassion are the general
Fruits of freedom. The shattered self can be made whole
No matter what happens to be the circumstance.

Empathy

Apr30

The ability to understand and to share
The feelings of another is called empathy.
It’s a sensitivity to and awareness
Of others’ emotions. People need to express
Their compassion. The only motive is truly
Understanding the feelings of those in despair.

Empathy makes it difficult to turn a blind
Eye to the suffering of others. It helps us
To relate to them so that we can respond to
Their not well situation. All that we can do
To bring comfort to them is a blessed thing plus
It brings to both parties involved some peace of mind.

Everyone’s born with this capability, but
It may need to be redeveloped or relearned.
Many in modern society have lost touch
With their sense of compassion because it’s too much
Of a bother. About others they’re not concerned
Empathy can’t be practiced when the heart is shut.

The process of spiritual awakening
Concerns sensitivity to the collective
Consciousness of humanity. There’s no such thing
As another. We all are simply one being.
No one can be told which is the right way to live.
Everything’s affected by what you’re offering.

Compassion

Apr28

When concern for the welfare of others is more
Than one has for oneself, is that called compassion?
It’s not pity, wishful thinking, or attachment.
It does not mean that self-regard isn’t present.
It’s the greatest virtue in almost every one
Of the religious teachings as ever before.

True compassion is the ability to be
Sympathetic and empathetic. The desire
To alleviate another’s pain and distress
Becomes stronger. Tangibly one wants to express
Understanding and kindness. One doesn’t require
Anything back. Indeed, it’s given willingly.

Compassion motivates us to help others, and
It helps us to see past our own self-interest.
It directs our attention towards others who
Are in need of attention. Everything we do
To provide them some comfort is doing our best
To make much better the situation at hand.

It’s a necessity. It’s not a luxury.
It’s a question of human survival that we
Learn to help one another. We will otherwise
As one troubled collective see our own demise.
All pathways to God honor the reality
Of the need for compassion. Who would not agree?

Life And Death Lessons

Mar29

The entry point of an assault rifle bullet
Is much smaller than the exit wound. That’s because
It creates mass expansion as it passes through
Flesh and bone. The amount of damage it can do
Is to some captivating. If ever there was
A weapon of pure hate, this is the one to get.

A child shot through the chest leaves the corpse of a child
With its entire back missing. When shot through the head,
It’s as if it exploded. This killing machine
People cherish. This nation is vile and obscene
Regarding weapons that can shoot so many dead.
It’s an issue that will never be reconciled.

From the birth of the Wild West through eternity,
Powerful is the intoxicating gun smoke
To the mind. Branch Republicans we have become.
Civil War is a lethal obsession to some
Who support the gun lobbies, as those who are woke
Want to be a nation of some civility.

Those who have learned their lesson are no longer here.
We survivors are students of our behavior.
Those who now learn to drop to the floor and play dead
Will some day be the ones who will end the bloodshed.
It will be something that hasn’t happened before.
Until then, our future is uniquely austere.

The Simple Secret To Happiness

Mar14

I’m happy to be happy. It’s my decision,
And it’s made in an instant. I don’t have to wait
For conditions to be how I want them to be.
Everything that I need for joy is within me.
I decide in this moment that I will feel great.
My outlook on life doesn’t need a revision.

What are the blocks to happiness? It’s believing
That they are my reality. Then I create
What is needed to have them. Now I’m quite aware
That there are no beleaguering big blocks out there.
It’s not hard to remain in a positive state
When I know that my thinking can be deceiving.

I felt so undeserving because of my past
Misdirected behavior. How’d I let that go?
I decided that it’s better for me to live
Than to self-flagellate. It was hard to forgive
Myself for my wrongdoings. I did manage though.
I had found the relief I needed at long last.

I’m not searching for happiness. I bring it to
Whatever I am doing. I am happiness.
In the absence of pleasure I can find it there
Because it’s totally an internal affair.
In this moment, I chose to have complete access
To that high flying feeling that is ever new.

Calibrate To Wellbeing

Mar6

My foundation does not start with this body or
With my parents or anything. It is the whole
Of who I am. With eagerness I came into
This contrast and variety. My life is new
And exciting. I have no particular goal.
Everything about this world I came to explore.

A thought that thrills me is one worth my pursuing,
And one that disappoints me is one that is not.
There’s no way I can feel unworthy of the bliss.
My feelings are my guidance. I’m glad I know this.
What I’m thinking and feeling does matter a lot.
I find fulfillment in whatever I’m doing.

I do not want to behave ‘appropriately’
By accepting the notion that life is supposed
To be hard and that suffering is a virtue.
Pardon me, world, but that is not my point of view.
‘Socialized’ people have hearts and minds that are closed
To the idea of living resistance free.

It’s easy to calibrate to ‘what is,’ but it
Takes a master to calibrate to what is not
Yet apparent. It does take determination,
Focus, and clarity. I am here to have fun.
I try to remember what most people forgot.
Everything I learn must be to my benefit.

I Should Not Have Been Born

Feb2

Can I blame mental illness for how I’ve behaved?
I would like to, but that would mean that I’m now sane.
In my old age, alone now, consumed in remorse,
I’m possessed by a grossly malevolent force.
My whole life was a mission to cause others pain
From this brutal life review I cannot be saved.

It’s injustice to worthiness. I don’t deserve
Satisfaction in living. In purgatory,
I remember my madness and all I have done
To create such calamity for everyone
I can think of. The reason that people hate me
Is because I’m an asshole with colossal nerve.

That’s why I flush the toilet every now and then
By moving to another place, leaving behind
A train wreck of existence to fuck up anew
Somewhere else. I’m amazed by the things that I do
That are downright disgusting. I had been unkind
For no apparent reason again and again.

Can I feel the embarrassment? Have I a soul?
As my lead solar plexus drains my energy,
I don’t want to remember the people I’ve known.
Knowing they have forgotten me, I can disown
That it ever had happened. In hell I should be.
Perhaps unconsciously that’s my ultimate goal.

But I’m here now and have been assigned to this role
For some God unknown reason. I am humbled by
My existence. I’m sorry for all that I’ve done
To hurt others. To hope that healing has begun
Is, I hope, not too arrogant. The day I die
Will be one of rejoicing for this troubled soul.

Turkey In The Straw

Nov24

There’s a song that keeps ringing in my ears these days.
As it plays innocently, my fond memories
Are of laughter. The years of my youth were carefree.
Unaware of how the tune has affected me
After decades, I now have a mental disease
That I welcome. It’s one that is worthy of praise.

The eeriest of earworms eats out at the mind.
Unobstructed by commonsense, it has control,
For the moment, of my worthiness to exist
In true freedom. I have the power to resist
The temptation to shuffle and play the dark soul.
The song has power over the one who is blind.

Ice cream is milk and honey. This land that I know
Is uncivil. The white hoods have now been removed.
Thankfulness for the story that is created
Is a challenge if its origin is hated
By the ones who only want conditions improved
For the whole. It would seem there’s a long way to go.

Grateful I am for who I am. Where I belong
Is where I am. The contrafacta may evolve
To the loudest dog whistle made for the turkey
In the straw of the barnyard of humanity.
Sins of ego I am most obliged to absolve.
Thankfulness is believing that nothing is wrong.

Certain Possibility

Nov10

Things that seemed quite impossible at first to me
Have turned out to be easy. There’s a better way
I can say this. There is a slight contradiction
In the statement because it can be only one
Or the other. It’s more accurate if I say
That it was possible. I allowed it to be.

I knew that it was possible entirely.
I am free to choose which it is and to attune
To the frequency of it. I am in control
Of what happens in my life. If I set a goal
It is all but accomplished. It will happen soon,
And while it is unfolding, I can be happy.

I can practice the feeling of being aligned
To my purpose and who I am. Human logic
States that struggle is needed to get anywhere.
Life is good for some people. For most, it’s unfair,
But this novel psychosis does nothing but trick
Me into self-undoing of the harshest kind.

“Ask for it, and get on with it!”, is what I’m told
By the spirit within me. I take pleasure in
All the life giving moments that are on the way
To full manifestation. I’m willing to stay
On my path of fulfillment as good things begin
To occur in my life as it is to unfold.

Transcendence Through Stillness

Nov1

How do I learn to transcend the limited me
…The conditional entity? How do I know
What is silence and stillness? What has this to do
With the person I am and what I’m going through?
What does it mean to be ‘still?’ How can someone grow
Without moving? Can this fettered self be made free?

Like most words, ‘stillness’ is but a starting off place
For describing what can’t be described easily.
Everyone has their own experience of it.
Meditation is the perfect thing to permit
It to happen. What’s called my personality
Is dissolved in the process of receiving grace.

If I haven’t found the stillness, no matter how
Well I do in life, it will turn into something
Unfulfilling, even if the world praises me.
Free from erratic motion I most want to be.
It is the cause of most of human suffering.
The stillness is available to me right now.

I like pleasant conditions and circumstances.
By the same token, bad situations cause me
Much discomfort, but if I can find the stillness
In the moment, I know that I will suffer less
Than I would if I can’t. Stillness I clearly see
As the alternative to my taking chances.

Overcoming Negative Emotions

Sep13

Human nature becomes me as I wonder why
I suffer the indignance of feeling this way.
Emptiness, frustration, and inadequacy
Are the demons that devour the cold heart of me.
Am I worthless to this world? Is this why I pay
Such a high price for lowlife? Do I want to die?

That is out of the question. I’ve been here before,
And each time it’s the same tape that I keep playing
That puts me at the precipice. What holds me back
Is my fear of the unknown. Spiritual plaque
Blocks the flow of wellbeing. What I am saying
Is that I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

Negative emotions in one’s experience
Happen when needs are unmet, and poor coping skills
Keep one out of alignment. So, what can one do
To escape the consuming cloud? Give me some clue
So that I can return to a life with some thrills.
What would be beneficial to my transcendence?

I’ll take responsibility for my feelings
After acknowledging that I have them. Then I
Can attempt to identify where they come from
At their core. In this simple way I’ll overcome
The dark cloud that is passed now. If I really try
I’ll succeed at getting back to wonderful things.

Regrets And Resentment

Sep10

Someone did me wrong. It was cruel and unjust,
And because it has happened I cannot be free
To enjoy life. I’m anchored deeply in the past.
As I ruminate there I become an outcast
In a world that was once mine. Why can I not be
Gratified instead of feeling utter disgust?

Everything leads me to the place of being free.
Every human has at one time or another
Been betrayed. It’s a part of life. If I respond
Negatively, only more of the same is spawned.
Life is not about this part of human nature.
It’s about dealing with it spiritually.

The betrayal of trust has been experienced
By us all. The thoughts I keep regurgitating
Hold the past to the present. I can’t realize
My incredible beingness if I despise
Anyone else. The suffering to which I cling
Can only be to other folks wrongly dispensed.

Fresh and clear is the feeling that I would prefer.
The baggage is a burden. I can let it go
To the past where it has gone and is there to stay.
Every time that I go there, it won’t go away.
Blame will only stop me from receiving the flow
Of divine grace that naturally does occur.

The Genius Of The Crowd

Jun22

Treachery, hatred, violence, absurdity…
There’s enough of it in the average person
To supply any given army any day.
Those who excel at murder preach, and what they say
Is that killing is offensive yet they have none
Of the virtue they speak of. All eyes plainly see.

Those who hate with a passion and do it quite well
Are those who get to teach love. Is this ironic?
And those who are the best at war finally preach
Of the peace that is needed. Their eloquent speech
Often manipulates the body politic.
Negativity sadly is not a hard sell.

Those who preach love have no love, and those who preach peace
Don’t have peace. Those who speak of God incessantly
Do need God. Beware the knowers and the preachers.
Those who read books are also dangerous creatures.
People who detest or are proud of poverty
Are a drain on the life force. Connection must cease.

Beware the average human being today.
There’s enough genius in their hatred of others
To kill you, me, or anyone. No solitude
Do they want nor can understand. This can be viewed
As a tragic existence if one so prefers.
It’s an understatement that life’s not a ballet.

So Now…

Jun12

Do I care about people? Do I have a heart?
Life has thrown me into a conundrum of doubt.
I write words to express, but they’ve all come and gone.
I have only my memories to reflect on.
All my life I’d been hoping to figure things out.
Now I know that I’ve been insane right from the start.

The phone vibrates. I tremble. I can’t get used to
Random contact by randomness of entities
That see me as a prospect for making a sale.
I respond but by now I’m as slow as a snail.
I arrive quite unsatisfied and on my knees
To repent for the things I continue to do.

There’s a leak in the toilet. It’s a reminder
Of my slow steady wasting of infinite grace.
Things could have been a lot different if I had
Been with my own a righteous family comrade.
All the sins I have committed now I must face.
I’m surprised that a random soul would call me ‘sir.’

Once the life force within me was ever so bright.
Unbelievably sturdy and fast on my feet,
I had time to waste… and I did, to my regret.
Is it true that I have not a single asset
Spiritual in nature or even concrete?
Can I find anything in this world I’ve done right?

One Of Us

Apr23

“What’s Your Social?”, it’s asked, and there is a response.
Everyone knows the drill and will play by the rules.
‘Your Social’ is unique enough to cast a spell
On the physical consciousness. It does this well
It’s expected that all behave like molecules
That are totally driven by their needs and wants.

It’s a personal question, so one must take care
Not to disclose the puzzle piece of the heartbeat
To unauthorized persons. No one wonders why
Nor is there any problem. By law all comply.
Can one mess with a system that cannot be beat?
Anyone thinking they can had better beware.

One Of Us or of any is meant to be one
Of all ones to be thought of… meaning everything
From the one who is singular to all there are.
One need not know their oneness by looking too far
Into rational thought and literal meaning.
The conceptual mantra can get a lot done.

It’s no mark of acceptance – just of inclusion
Within orders created by one’s circumstance.
To be known as One Of Us feels like I belong
To something that has meaning. All that I’ve done wrong
Tells me strongly that I will get no second chance
To behave in a better way with everyone.

Hope?

Apr20

Almost all of my life I’ve been mentally ill.
This profound revelation comes at a late stage.
I have made poor decisions that caused harm and grief.
In a fit of psychosis beyond my belief,
I have severed my roots. I am left to engage
In extreme self-analysis. It is no thrill.

I’m face down in my own crap, and my, what a mess.
It would take me a lifetime to straighten things out.
But I’ve already screwed up this life as it be.
Can I find a solution somewhere inside me?
Quickly I was approaching the terminal doubt…
That I should not have been born. I feel less than less.

What I wanted my whole life I already had…
Loving parents, a fine home, and family life.
I flushed that down the toilet. Now, having done so,
I am haunted by thoughts of where my soul might go,
But at least I’d not be here to cause people strife.
I recall only times when I’ve made people sad.

My big plan is to clean up the big mess I’ve made.
With the help of my God I can get this thing done.
I shall pay off my huge debts and own property
Through the special talents God bestowed upon me.
All that I ever wanted was to be someone
Who is loving, and I am still on that crusade.

The Machine

Apr16

Critical is the nature of all that is real.
Life maintained is a symphony of submission
To process… it’s profundity, having known hell.
Painfully, my own story is pleasant to tell.
The revealed Magic Realist and I are one.
Intertwined human troubles I rightly must feel.

Easily I am grateful now that the world view
I allow to possess me with its circuitry.
Already with my deep guilt that I cannot hide,
Ignorance of reality, never implied,
Yet the interdependence is made part of me.
I digest the late wake up call. Can it get through?

Never mind a life crisis to forecast the end
Of a thing become tangled in self-awareness.
Knowing now its fragility, I taste respect.
The finite probability has the effect
Of defining the issues I need to address.
This complex human puzzle I must comprehend.

Surrender this old body to forces divine.
The coming machine cycle is due to occur.
The grand clock of existence is mine to express
Through the real me evolving. I can’t go for less
Than the grace necessary to be as it were
In eternal alignment with all that is mine.

Secret Teachings

Jan25

Humankind has been struggling since our time began.
This we know. It has never been hidden away.
So if some folks have answers to kindly address
How we make of our lives such a God awful mess
And how to rectify things, then why do they prey
On the weak human psyche? What is their sick plan?

It turns out that the secret has always been out
So there has never been one. The truth we all know
By the way we engage the law of allowing.
Through our misguided upbringing we miss the thing
That is of most importance to help us to grow
Into proper alignment with no sense of doubt.

This is an evolving, expanding universe.
It’s not something that someone has all figured out…
Where the angels in heaven kick back and tell us
Little ones to be like them. This superfluous
Notion is less than truthful and fettered in doubt
As the expectation is for better or worse.

There must be expansion in order for there to
Continue to be existence. With expansion
Comes contrast and discernment – the ability
To anticipate, speculate, and mold freely.
We are born with this knowledge. There is not a one
Who does not know the secret or at least a clue.

The Superior Race?

Jan19

Don’t believe what your eyes see. This man is supreme
Just because of his white skin and powerful genes.
As he looks right straight past you with only one eye
One can know he means business. He’s willing to try
To take over the country by violent means
Because he bears the right to go to the extreme.

Just what oath are you keeping, you ignorant fool?
…The one that says stupidity shall ever reign?
Then you’re making good progress but only for you.
You can shoot your damned eye out. What else can you do?
As a gun safety instructor you draw disdain.
May your oath keeping cohorts sign up for your school.

Those who preach white supremacy can you explain
How that concept can settle in your vacant minds
And then grow into hatred beyond all belief?
Why is there no other race causing so much grief?
Take a look at your own race with trash of all kinds.
If you idolize this jerk you’re truly insane.

I was given the lowdown some decades ago
From a jerk with a hair of hatred up his ass.
He warned me there’d be bloodshed. The coming race war
Is a threat that is possible if we ignore
The raw truth of the matter. This bitter impasse
Leaves us ever divided and steeped in our woe.

Feminine Drought

Jan16

To be one with the contrast that is part of me…
Is it my sin to think that we all can be one?
Christ knew nothing of hatred. He knew only love.
Why do modern day Christians have every kind of
Nasty defect of character under the sun?
How are those of true faith so not able to see?

It’s all been documented throughout history
How the hatred of women and Christian values
Have been forced into marriage. The resultant child
Is a sick ideology where the reviled
Are half the congregation of whom they accuse
Of bringing sin to mankind originally.

The far right are the hypocrites. Like the Nazis
Who believed in male dominance, republicans
Have become the new billboard to promulgate hate.
Religion is a power tool used to berate
Anything that is not male or white, and their plans
Are to subjugate nonwhites and women with ease.

It is the patriarchal biblical word view
That has become the enemy of humankind.
We know Eve was created as an afterthought.
Think of that implication! The mindset is fraught
With existential illogic. Fear the sick mind
That may be of your neighbor who just may hate you.

Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, ox, or donkey,
Or anything of value that some man may own.
Women should not have authority over man.
This bullshit from the bible is where it began.
This is why we’re psychotic and violence prone.
Our survival as one race may not come to be.

The Eighth Deadly Sin

Dec20

If I could deal with my sins, I’d not need to write.
Should I count them a blessing for creative work?
And is my darkest nature subject to concern
Of a soul who would read me? My will is to learn
What it is that upsets me. I’ve gone full berserk
Throughout most of my living. It’s been a huge fight.

There are now seven deadly ones. Once there were eight.
Back in times medieval the big change was made
Perhaps due to aesthetics, Seven is more pure
And more easily remembered. One can be sure
That the eighth must have gotten people so afraid
That they dropped it completely to safeguard their fate.

All of them wrapped into one is what I’ve become
Now that I as an old man review my sick life.
In my weakness I’m not the risk I was before.
It’s a blessing that I can’t abuse anymore.
It’s no wonder I experience so much strife.
I’m a step below the level of lowlife scum.

To Despond is the eighth sin. It’s now a disease
That is treated with counseling – not the preacher.
An outlook that is hopeless and marked by despair,
Chronic gloom, and depression is the lack of care
I have given to goodness. I am a creature
Who, in life’s recollection, is brought to its knees.

Uncivil Mitosis

Dec15

Red and Blue come together to form a union
And escape from the tyranny of monarchy.
One nation undivided with territories
With their own constitutions and racial disease
Has remained but a battlefield. Lord have mercy
On this land most bedeviled by contradiction.

I would not have thought things could turn out quite this way.
The illusion of brotherly love was intense.
Psychedelic were those days of Reverend King.
Now, the dream of America is not a thing
That resembles inclusiveness. Does it make sense
That a part of society serves as its prey?

Liberals and conservatives, blue folk and red…
The confederate and union troops on the field
Also make up the government and places high.
Blatancy is becoming. Here’s the reason why.
It is only through battle that we become healed
So that we can remember and honor our dead.

As it has been it will be. No change can occur
But the ongoing process of cell division
And the up and down cycles of racial hatred
Is something that I’ll ponder perhaps ‘til I’m dead.
I alone have the right to make the decision
That allows for my freedom as I would prefer.

The Most Difficult Thing To Explain

Dec12

Who was I in my past life? Who am I right now?
How long will it take to attain liberation?
These questions all have answers, but who wants to know
Is the one most important if I want to grow.
It all comes back to myself because I’m the one
Who provides the right answer without knowing how.

Yoga teaches that breathing is how I find out
Who I am at my core. Simply I’ll meditate
On the question intently until there’s a clue,
But indeed the most difficult thing I could do
Is explain me to anyone else or placate
Others with my performance while fettered in doubt.

Is the root of the matter to get something done?
Doing things cause problems more often than not.
It’s amazingly simple to just be at ease
With this moment eternal. There’s no one to please
But the self who deserves it much more than a lot.
There’s no doubt in my mind that this life can be fun.

Death and suffering cannot be problems I face.
They’re merely consequences that living creates.
Yet the worst kind of suffering is when I think
That there is a way out, but I’m just not in sync.
That I Am in this moment further demonstrates
My existence is solid and worthy of grace.

Pro-Life?

Dec9

Secession from the Union is sadly the role
Of the people in leadership in certain states.
Racism is an ice cold determination.
Ruthlessly the psychosis will never be done.
It matters not the path nor danger that awaits.
Every kind of rebellion is locked in the soul.

Which states will lead the nation in counting their dead?
With extreme desperation it is a contest
To placate the defiant ignorant to know
But to curse everything about the status quo.
The contempt for authority that is expressed
Is sufficient to keep all from moving ahead.

Mostly victims are children in these sick places
Where the spread of the virus increases by day.
Hospitalized children is specific red states
Are the highest reported. The leader who hates
Is in fact the worse killer. If he has his way
The bug will only kill those of certain races.

Gut wrenching are the stories that pour out of hell.
One must deal with intolerance to common sense
And attraction to living instead of disease.
What happens when the nation is brought to its knees?
Would the scourge of hypocrisy be as immense?
It takes more than a vaccine to make people well.

Nigger Season

Nov21

If I walk outside my house I may be shot dead
By some teen with a license which is his white skin.
It may be for no other reason than I’m black,
And a crime such as that is well worth an attack.
What can I do about my original sin?
Following this dark sequence is done with much dread.

But I have to go through it. I have not the choice
But to work out this puzzle witch fucks with the mind.
It’s not that I’m heartbroken. I’m now wide awake
To the hate that is due me. No hand may I shake
That is not mine in color. In this can I find
Some perverted assed reason for me to rejoice?

No I can’t. So, it’s best that I piss and move on.
Survival is a given until it is not.
I remain just as helpless as decades ago.
Civil rights was a pipe dream, and as the weeds grow
Hatred lingers and forces itself by gunshot.
‘Seems we’ll never live up to the manicured lawn.

The procession of seasons that nature provides
Is severely augmented by issues of race.
Responding to the gut punch, I find some relief.
And my role in the picture is that much more brief.
My death may be related to some lame court case.
That’s where I am. I now leave it up to my guides.

Awakening

Oct16

It’s the cause of most suffering, wise ones believe,
Of the mind and its habit of thinking always.
Recognizing the chatter is tricky at best.
It is just an illusion. I can become stressed
Easily by the drama, and it rarely pays.
Almost always it turns out that it will deceive.

So asleep is the ego self. It’s in a daze
That the mind has created as its main plaything.
Sometimes I really get it. I come wide awake
In sincere meditation, but if I could make
It an all the time feeling, what joy that would bring.
Can I learn how to get my consciousness to raise?

Beyond thought is Awakening to someone who
Is much bigger than I am and all that I know.
In fact, that person is everyone in essence.
From that broader perspective what e’er may commence
Will no doubt help me spiritually to grow.
I’m not there all the time, but I know what to do…

…And that is to stay focused and nearly thought free.
In a world of illusions created by such,
It can be quite a challenge. But this way is true.
Once in touch with your true self your life shines anew.
There’s no reason for me to be cold to the touch.
It is now my quest to stay awake completely.

Missing Inaction

Sep27

When a white girl is missing, all are up in arms.
There are many resources expended to find
Every clue to her whereabouts. Amber alerts
Are broadcasted profusely, and the thing that hurts
Is that black and brown females are left far behind
In the blessing of God’s grace. Everyone it harms.

Every standard young white couple out on the trail
Is a thing of great value and such a fresh sight
Until something turns ugly. The man is believed,
And the woman’s whole take on things is misperceived.
If this couple were black, would the system be right?
One or both of them surely would end up in jail.

There’s no knee-to-the-neck justice for the white man.
He may bullshit his way into running scot free.
A fake twenty dollar bill is just not the same
As a white woman’s murder. Yet he bears no blame
Until things are so obvious for all to see.
Institutional racism is a dark plan.

To ask if there’s a problem with anything here
That is written or written of is but to jest.
My whole purpose in writing is to explore truth.
As we look to the future, it is in our youth
That the cycle be broken – not just not expressed.
We as humans can avoid a future austere.

Everything That You Want

Sep25

“If I Want It, I Can Have It!” Say this one thing
About everything wanted, and repeatedly.
If the universe makes possible your desire
Then it can well deliver it. All may transpire
That you’ve dreamed of for ages almost instantly.
There is no limit to what your good mood will bring.

I know that it is entirely possible
To achieve what I want. I just need to let go
Of the yearning, and pleading, and long suffering.
All that crap doesn’t get it and means not a thing
In fact, those are big obstacles. It’s good to know
That my past failures are fully ignoscible

If I want it, I can please myself on the way
To its manifestation by milking the thought
And the feeling of having it right here and now.
It’s the best method known. I must trust and allow
I focus only on things that matter a lot
And keep track of how I’m feeling throughout the day.

The whole reason for the existence of the goal
Is to give me a fun and pleasing adventure.
On the path of my journey, small pleasures unfold.
I like knowing I want things to have and to hold
Because knowing they’ll happen is sacred and pure.
Manifesting means feeling that, without, I’m whole.

Aster * Risk

Sep11

Everyone that I’ve ever know will hate my guts.
It’s a given. I don’t have to figure that out.
In the brief time that I may have left, I’m assured
That I will be the enemy. Those who’ve endured
My abuse will be thankful and gleefully shout
When I’m gone because I’m prone to driving folks nuts.

You do that to me also though. This quid pro squat
Leaves someone more shorthanded. This Risk with a face
Tries to mingle among the real thing and behave
In the ways of true stardom. No love can it crave.
Once The Risk is discovered, a quiet disgrace
Permeates like a wet fart that offends a lot.

In some ways I am like you colorful breeders,
But something fundamental is missing in me.
Clueless, I’ve sought a lifetime the answer to that.
Yet you normal ones know me, and this tit for tat
With the mind and emotions I play piss poorly.
In the game of relating, I’ve few cheerleaders.

So I’ll just keep on hiding amid you aster
Trying hard not to dis you inadvertently.
You and I spell disaster and should never meet.
I’m an old pissed off bastard who cannot be sweet
Anymore. It is bullshit as far as I see.
My true self is the one thing that I must master.

Lose Yourself

Jun20

Lose Yourself In This Love… You will find everything.
In This Love, when you lose yourself, all will be well.
Lose Yourself in the moment. Do Not fear the loss.
You will rise from the earth and meet up with The Boss
While embracing the heavens. In bliss you will dwell
With others who are like you, and may angels sing!

Lose Yourself and escape from this frail earthly form.
This body is a chain, and I, its prisoner.
I must smash through the prison wall and walk outside
With the kings and the princes. No dream is denied.
Never mind what others back on earth would prefer.
Grieving over the loss of folks is quite the norm.

Find escape from the black cloud that does surround you
Then you’ll see your own light as bright as the full moon.
Enter now into that silence. The surest way
Is to Lose Yourself each moment of every day.
What is your life about anyway but a strewn
All about mess of memories that you accrue?

My own life is a struggle. For myself I speak –
Not for anyone else here. It isn’t my place.
I have been someone naughty and too often mean.
My own silence I run from. I cannot be seen
In the light of most others. Am I a disgrace?
One’s own self loss is personal and quite unique.

Cave In

Jun17

There cannot be a pain worse than surmounting debt.
As the tonnage increases it takes up more space
In the places my guts were before their seizure.
Should I act out in panic, more harm I’d endure.
By my credit score I am consumed in disgrace.
Every phone call or message I’ll take as a threat.

No wonder I’m so weary and pissed of a lot.
Energy that I would have for creating things
Is diverted to struggle finding strategies
To reverse severe bleeding through tense arteries.
Embarrassed that I cling on to life’s apron strings,
A fine candidate for employment I am not.

Life is caving in on me. There is no escape
Short of something most tragic or a miracle
Like a change in perception so that I will hear
The exact steps I must take to mitigate fear
And the guidance to exit my fecal canal.
I’m a far cry from being in much better shape.

If I don’t find a hustle or some employment
In the next few days, things will get way out of hand.
And I don’t have an answer, nor am I afraid.
I must pay for the foolish decisions I’ve made.
May it cost me my life. That would be more than grand.
In survival, my task is to learn to repent.

Death Rattle

Jun6

Stay Alive. That’s a challenge. I’d better not fail.
Chances are I won’t do that, but chances are that
I will die in the process through no fault of mine…
Not even indirectly, which would suit me fine.
Let the shit happen quickly. The drop of a hat
Is a reason acceptable for me to bail.

As the brunt of life’s karma comes on at full force…
When there’s no one to go to; all bridges are burnt,
And I can’t find an answer to save my own soul,
Have I left any reason to aim for a goal?
I must still think I’m worthy, because if I weren’t
I would not be attuned to a special resource.

As the hat drops, the shoe falls. I know not which one
To entangle the horns of with my intellect
Or the brute force I muster when misdirected.
Anyone who would say that I’m better off dead
Hasn’t suffered like I have and has no respect
For the foolish and how in err they get things done.

The Death Rattle I feel, and it hangs fairly low.
In the pit of my stomach is where it begins
To erupt through the heart chakra into my throat.
When denied every platform I need to promote…
I must know that it’s karma for all my past sins.
Hopefully there’s an answer my living can show.

Negative Thought Removal

May28

Negative thoughts are just thoughts. Don’t identify
Them as good ones and bad ones. They all are the same
In that I’m either conscious of them or I’m not.
It is in the subconscious where some become fraught
In the ways they affect me. Yet I cannot blame
Them for my bad behavior, though hard I may try.

Try not to think of monkeys for just a brief while.
The mere thought makes the mind but a monkey machine
Generating more monkeys than ever wanted.
The mind does amplify whatever it is fed.
So, to think not a negative thought is obscene
Because I cannot do it. It isn’t my style.

Understanding that my thoughts are not part of me
Is the key to becoming more fully aware
That my unconscious thinking can get out of hand.
It seduces me to places I hadn’t planned.
If I try to not think them I welcome despair.
This is quite a predicament as I can see.

So, what is the solution? Surely there must be
One that is most appropriate and effective.
Since the mind can’t digest well, it needs to be fed
Positive support by me. Today I’m not dead.
That’s of utmost importance. My will is to live.
Knowing not when life will end is just fine with me.

On Beating The Blues

Apr13

An old man on a job search is death wish engaged
At full throttle straight into the darkness of hell.
Able bodied I am with an excellent mind
But this world doesn’t see that. In essence, it’s blind
To what I have to offer. I’m just a hard sell
To the age of the phone app. Indeed I’m outraged.

But who gives a bat’s dropping among hell’s elite?
Having spent the last few weeks as a prostitute
On the road and in offices for interviews
That upset and degrade me, I’ll not self-abuse
As I sense that’s the intent because they can’t shoot
Me for sport or for pleasure. Still I’m in defeat.

Sent way out to the boondocks through Amazon Flex
With a carload of packages on gravel roads
With no God Damned thing guiding me but a phone app
Then the fucking phone dies. The whole day’s turned to crap
I bent over and puckered for copious loads
Of the dark seed of Satan in virtual sex.

I’d take this as a joke played on me with a smile
And forget like a bad dream what’s happened to me
If I were a lot younger – not old and depressed.
Vows I’ve made to my doctors were not made in jest
But when push comes to shove one would have to agree
That to ask for a breastfeeding isn’t my style.

I cannot be employed, yet Magic I create.
I have many fine talents and education
That I’m still paying off after decades by now.
This life hates my damned guts. This fact I can allow
To solidify suicidal decision.
But for now, I’ve decided to nourish my hate.

The Meaning Of Life

Apr10

If one has but a ‘why’ one can bear any ‘how.’
As suggested by Nietzsche, life is very hard.
Does this mean I am tested in all that I do?
Certainly! There is darkness I must look into
For the purpose of healing whatever is scarred
By neglect of my visiting outside of now.

In the darkest of places, if I can still find
A faint glimmer of something, I’ll know it’s real light.
Life’s malevolence is ineradicable.
The intent and extent is unfathomable.
I need Sustaining Meaning to keep me alright.
If well-armed with some virtue, then I am aligned.

A life instinct is meaning. I need a reason
To get out of bed even on terrible days.
Nobleness in one’s purpose is not optional.
If one has not, then one is most vulnerable
To the clutches of evil and all of its ways.
Clutching on to some purpose, true life is begun.

I’ll get out and do something. It may turn out wrong,
But at least I’ll have learned then correct my mistakes.
My remaining in stasis leads to getting old
And decrepit from laziness. Purpose is gold.
Life is hopelessly woven in fear and heartbreaks.
Pointed in some direction, I am somewhat strong.

Thoughts On Death

Apr3

Wondering what it would be like to go to sleep
And to never wake up is the fog of mourning.
The next logical question, were it to be asked
Through gut wrenching emotion for one who has passed,
Is: “What was it like waking up after having
Never been asleep?” (If you don’t know… This Is Deep!)

Thoughts of death bring on panic – an instinct normal
For surviving, as creatures of nature we are.
Disappearance from earth is simply seasonal.
Every current of life leads to one waterfall.
One cannot fight the current. The stream is by far
Too much for the mere ego who must feel but small.

Happiness and security doesn’t consist
Of the clinging onto things… especially change.
Senses become awakened with this much insight.
A discernible difference ever so slight
Between this world and heaven can be not so strange.
It’s been known that the two worlds indeed coexist.

We all know very well that after people die
Other people are born, and we all are the same.
We can only experience one at a time
Each and everyone of us. Is this not sublime?
When death comes to us we are still part of the game.
Letting oneself accept it is the best goodbye.

The Reason For Madness

Mar28

Many go to psychologists thinking they’re ill.
Doctors know they aren’t crazy. They’re simply confused.
People’s lives become so complex that they’d prefer
Being dead to escape the pain that they suffer.
Life gets too complicated, then folks are accused
Of some mental imbalance and loss of free will.

Because it causes suffering if not controlled,
Inundation of detail we want to avoid
At all cost, as it, on its own, grows and mutates.
Normal people end up with too much on their plates.
The Complexity Problem indeed has destroyed
Many otherwise happy lives… And it gets old.

When a few known catastrophes are added to –
Like the loss of a loved one, your home, and your job –
You may find it unbearable to carry on
‘Til the next damned moment, let alone the new dawn.
Grown adults become children. We break down and sob
Out of sheer desperation while feeling like poo.

So, just like the balloon blown up too much will burst
At the point where it’s weakest, we are quite the same.
The cure for all complexity is found within
Where the self knows simplicity. There I begin
To release the anxiety and the self-shame
Because as things are going, we ain’t seen the worst.

Overcoming Suffering

Dec18

Constant shots of I Love You direct to the head
Where the heart is an image that needs special care
In resolving the problems the mind recreates
Is one kind of addiction among human fates.
Suffering is the byproduct all creatures bear
From birth into existence until they are dead.

A huge bit of my suffering is of the mind,
As it is with most people. Alone it can make
A big deal of a small thing, then all will go wrong.
If my positive thinking were stunningly strong,
It may cause enough shifting that I may awake
To the knowing that obstacles are rather kind.

Other problems of living I cannot control,
As they come from the outside, or seemingly so.
People dying and illness are common to all.
We encounter the big things as well as the small.
It is necessary for all creatures to grow
Through the difficult challenges to make them whole.

Thinking can’t offer freedom from having to face
Obstacles on my cherished path, Do I create
Every damned thing that happens? It’s irrelevant!
I can accept that I create just the moment
With detachment from judgment in absence of weight.
Optional is most suffering that I embrace.

The Magic Realist

A Poet's Path

Tag Archive | suffering

Uncivil Mitosis

Pro-Life?

Nigger Season