Tag Archive | grief

Hope?

The Fuel Of Continuance

Almost all of my life I’ve been mentally ill.
This profound revelation comes at a late stage.
I have made poor decisions that caused harm and grief.
In a fit of psychosis beyond my belief,
I have severed my roots. I am left to engage
In extreme self-analysis. It is no thrill.

I’m face down in my own crap, and my, what a mess.
It would take me a lifetime to straighten things out.
But I’ve already screwed up this life as it be.
Can I find a solution somewhere inside me?
Quickly I was approaching the terminal doubt…
That I should not have been born. I feel less than less.

What I wanted my whole life I already had…
Loving parents, a fine home, and family life.
I flushed that down the toilet. Now, having done so,
I am haunted by thoughts of where my soul might go,
But at least I’d not be here to cause people strife.
I recall only times when I’ve made people sad.

My big plan is to clean up the big mess I’ve made.
With the help of my God I can get this thing done.
I shall pay off my huge debts and own property
Through the special talents God bestowed upon me.
All that I ever wanted was to be someone
Who is loving, and I am still on that crusade.

Thoughts On Death

The Adjustment Through Mourning

Wondering what it would be like to go to sleep
And to never wake up is the fog of mourning.
The next logical question, were it to be asked
Through gut wrenching emotion for one who has passed,
Is: “What was it like waking up after having
Never been asleep?”
(If you don’t know… This Is Deep!)

Thoughts of death bring on panic – an instinct normal
For surviving, as creatures of nature we are.
Disappearance from earth is simply seasonal.
Every current of life leads to one waterfall.
One cannot fight the current. The stream is by far
Too much for the mere ego who must feel but small.

Happiness and security doesn’t consist
Of the clinging onto things… especially change.
Senses become awakened with this much insight.
A discernible difference ever so slight
Between this world and heaven can be not so strange.
It’s been known that the two worlds indeed coexist.

We all know very well that after people die
Other people are born, and we all are the same.
We can only experience one at a time
Each and everyone of us. Is this not sublime?
When death comes to us we are still part of the game.
Letting oneself accept it is the best goodbye.