Becky Beingsby here of the new BBC.
My dear friend and colleague, Amanda, isn’t here.
Our anchor, Aaron Asswhole, and she had a date.
They got into an argument over her weight.
She decided to get clear of his atmosphere,
But in doing so she’s disappeared completely.

This is our top news story. Nothing happening
In the looney tune saga of reality
Is important enough to consider the truth
Unless one self-prepares with some shots of vermouth.
No one knows where Amanda is. Where could she be?
In advance, we would like to thank you for streaming.

Now, the Asswhole in question, interrogated
By the local authorities, then was let go.
Now he has turned up missing. Could this be a trend
For abused and abuser? I can’t comprehend
Human nature that damned well. So, on with the show.
What I have to report is still long awaited.

Our producers and directors all have agreed
Not to spew information that makes folks uptight.
So, instead, perfect nonsense is all that we do.
What happened to Amanda? Stay tuned for a clue.
We are not here to tease you. We’re here to delight
In the lightness wherein the true spirit is freed.