Am I confident in who I am or am I
Struggling seeing worth as it pertains to me?
This affects how I think and feel and how I act.
I feel there’s nothing left in this world to distract
Me from myself and everyone. All that I see
Is sorrow sorely strangled. I’ve no alibi.
If I could say I’m sorry to those I have harmed
I might feel a lot better, though this won’t occur.
My darkness has a thickness outside of pitch-black.
Along with many other things, courage I lack
And a clue as to what to do. I would prefer
That the cross hairs of circumstance are not alarmed.
Guilt encrusted avoidance and isolation
Are to my full advantage. Passively I wait
For something bad to happen. I figure I’m due
For the next indiscriminate turn of the screw
All the time. Where the hell is there time to create?
If I keep feeling this way, indeed I’ll have none.
I need positive feedback to somehow negate
Negative reinforcement that reverberates
Through my entire being. Perceived worthlessness
Will undo me in due time. I made a big mess
Of my life. I’m in fear of what karma awaits.
I’m aware of but reject the hell I create.