Tag Archive | introspection

Manifest Perfection

Getting Affairs In Order

Knowing how to screw up well, I’m driven insane.
This is no way a pity post. What I admit
Is of value to those who have tremendous guilt.
Relationships I’ve severed will not be rebuilt.
As a family member I’m truly unfit.
Those of you who are hated, I do know your pain.

I can’t change what has happened. Consumed with remorse,
I can only create my own purgatory
Through reminders from others who do living well.
All my life I have put people through certain hell.
Is my unchecked behavior the matter with me?
How did I manage to become such a dark force?

These questions I shall live with now that I am old
And no longer as crazy and ego driven.
Time I have now to ponder this life of a fool.
With the right rearing up I could have been a jewel
Of a person. I will never be forgiven
Of my wrongdoings. There are many to be told.

So, how can I feel worthy of still being here?
I’m a threat to society. My time is near,
But I’m also obliged to do all I can do
To prepare a clean exit and honor the few
Who will remember me as someone who was dear.
I’ll look forward where there is the least bit of fear.

Submergence Into Self

Deep Self-Analysis

Transient are some tensions that debilitate
And cause psychic confusion when one is alone.
They connect to the deeper ones if one is caught
In a whirlpool consisting of circular thought.
When it happens I sometimes feel cut to the bone
Where the matter, now marrow, becomes evil’s bait.

Convoluted emotions turn me inside out.
If I try to suppress them they grow even worse.
Intellect is a hamster’s wheel trying to still
Uncontrollable feelings. Yet it can’t fulfill
What it wants to so desperately. It’s a curse
To behold my submergence in utter self-doubt.

Sensitive are the issues that I have to face
At one time or another. Why do I delay
What I know is forthcoming? Though it causes pain
If I work my way through it, indeed I will gain
Needed healing and insight to show me the way
To a peaceful existence in God’s loving grace.

When in touch with the hidden aspects of my soul
Revelations significant to what I’ve done
In the past provide assurance I’ll come to know
The extent of the harm and the debt that I owe
To all whom I’ve mistreated forgetting not one.
While within the submergence I can become whole.