Knowing how to screw up well, I’m driven insane.
This is no way a pity post. What I admit
Is of value to those who have tremendous guilt.
Relationships I’ve severed will not be rebuilt.
As a family member I’m truly unfit.
Those of you who are hated, I do know your pain.
I can’t change what has happened. Consumed with remorse,
I can only create my own purgatory
Through reminders from others who do living well.
All my life I have put people through certain hell.
Is my unchecked behavior the matter with me?
How did I manage to become such a dark force?
These questions I shall live with now that I am old
And no longer as crazy and ego driven.
Time I have now to ponder this life of a fool.
With the right rearing up I could have been a jewel
Of a person. I will never be forgiven
Of my wrongdoings. There are many to be told.
So, how can I feel worthy of still being here?
I’m a threat to society. My time is near,
But I’m also obliged to do all I can do
To prepare a clean exit and honor the few
Who will remember me as someone who was dear.
I’ll look forward where there is the least bit of fear.