A few days before Christmas and all through my house
Tiles are dancing and prancing and acting the fool
I’ve been on hold for more than an hour
I’m trapped like a madman without any power
I’d be much better off with a two-legged stool
Or a clock with no hands or a heat seeking mouse

What is up with you folks? I’ve had problems before
With your chicken kits packaged and ready to buy
I begin to assemble, but to my dismay
The giblets are missing; I’ve wasted my day
I never could get your damned chickens to fly
Even with third party feathers and more

These tiles have gone crazy; they’re out of control
Having glued them and laid them precisely on deck
Did I sing to them wrong? Did I not wish them merry?
Should I call tech support or commit hara-kiri?
I’ll stay on the phone with you folks. What the heck?
I’m no one to be sacked like a lump of gift coal.