Yosemite Sham


Shut that Judybox off! I cain’t hear myself speech!
Say yer prayers, ya darned varmints, ‘cause we’ve had enough.
The wild west will get wilder when I take this town.
I will teach you galoots to all bow to my frown.
Women must tell their story, but men must be tough.
What I sez is darned gospel, so that’s what I preach.

I smells Truth. It’s a-cookin’. But I ain’t a-scared.
I got bullshit and man power on my good side.
On my bad side there’s nothing that can be found out.
If the Truth speaks too clearly, I will simply shout.
And this issue of perjury is not applied
To someone who is visibly honor impaired.

‘Ain’t no flea-bitten bilge rat in my gnarly past
Who would dare double cross me. It ain’t on their minds.
At least, that’s what I hope. I’d be barnacle bit
By the buttocks and short hairs if some should commit
To contributing to what the FBI finds.
Until then, I can pray that I am not typecast.

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