Reason And Beingness

Can I think of my life as a mission unique
If so many just like me are doing the same?
Fundamentally I know that I’m different
Than most folks in a lot of ways, and I have spent
A lifetime finding my token in this big game.
There’s a price to be paid for my being oblique.

I don’t think I could act normally if I tried.
Indeed I’ve tried a whole bunch and all of it wrong.
I believe I’m a loser, and that is tragic.
When I look in the mirror I make myself sick.
Is there some truly fucked world where I might belong?
I know that life is so only if I decide.

How much time have I left to do what I must do
To clean my nasty toilet of lifelong ill deeds?
It would take a fortune just to get out of debt.
When I leave this world I’ll do so with no regret.
I did give it my damnedest. My bitter heart bleeds
For the life that I might have lived and that I knew.

I am writing from my heart. This is a snapshot
Of the monsoon of moments that flow through my day.
It may not be worth sharing. I give not a damn.
Take it as entertainment. The fool that I am
Gives me absolute license to do things my way.
This old self and my writing is all that I’ve got.

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